hit me like a wrecking ball. I’d known it for some time. Deep down, I think it was why I hadn’t been able to go and see him again. Because I knew it would be goodbye.
I tried to swallow over the giant fucking lump in my throat. “He’d want you to go all the way, Cal. Declan would kick your ass right now if he knew you were sitting here, ass drunk, unable to keep it together.”
“I’ll never forgive him for taking that jet ski out that day.”
“It was a freak accident, nothing more.”
“Fuck.” He launched the bottle across the room, and it smashed against the wall, shattering into pieces.
“Better?” My brow arched, and he shrugged.
“A little. How do you do it?”
“Do what?”
“Act so damn calm all the time. You’re like this fortress, man. Nothing touches you.”
“Don’t be so sure about that,” I muttered, my mind instantly going to his sister.
But it wasn’t like I could tell him the truth, not now. Not when he was two seconds from losing it.
“The team needs you, man,” I said. “We need you.”
Stormy eyes met mine. He had the same whiskey eyes as Calli, the same nose and jaw. But he was harder around the edges. Ground down by the events of the last few months.
He let out a weary sigh. “I’ll be there. Of course I’ll fucking be there… it’s just hard… it’s so fucking hard.”
“I know.” I did. We were just on opposites side of the scale where our grief and emotions were concerned.
“But I’m not sure I can do the thing after,” Callum added.
“My parents will want you there.”
“I know... I just… fuck...” He clenched and unclenched his fist, staring at his hand as if it was the only thing grounding him. “Victoria irritates the hell out of me.”
“You’re not the only one,” I confessed.
“Yeah?” His brow rose. “I thought you two were besties?”
“Fuck off.”
We shared a tentative smile.
“She’s only out for herself.”
He wasn’t wrong. I’d just been too angry and bitter to care.
“She’s threatened by Calli,” I said, testing the waters.
“This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen.” Anger flared in his eyes. “I didn’t want her to come here and be pulled into this world. I was only trying to protect her.”
Yeah, I could see that. Girls were brutal, even at college. They would trample over each other without looking back if it meant climbing the social ladder or bagging themselves an athlete boyfriend. And Victoria sat proudly at the top.
“You should tell her,” I suggested. “She thinks you did it because you’re ashamed of her.”
“I’m not...” His lips thinned. “I fucked up. She’s my sister, and I just left her there... I don’t deserve her forgiveness.”
“Isn’t that for Calli to decide?”
“You sound awfully confident you know what my sister is thinking, Messiah.”
“We’ve been hanging out… at the center,” I added, hating the way the lie tasted on my tongue.
But I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire for Calli, or for Callum.
His eyes grew thin, but he didn’t ask whatever was on his mind. It was probably for the best because I didn’t want to lie to his face. Not when I was here to try to smooth some of the cracks.
“I really don’t want to go to the thing after either,” I admitted, “but how about I make you a deal? I’ll show my face if you do.”
He clucked his tongue. “We both know you’ll be there, with or without me.”
“Yeah, but I’d really prefer it if it was with you.” I smirked.
Callum barked out a laugh. “Is that your pickup line? Because you need to work on your game if it is.”
“I’ll bear that in mind.” Guilt snaked through me. He was going to kick my ass when he found out the truth about me and Calli. But this wasn’t about me and the girl who owned my heart, it was about me and the team.
Callum and the team.
Once the game was over, then I’d deal with everything else.
But one thing was for certain, if he—or anyone else—tried to make me choose: Calli or the team... I would pick Calli every day of the week.
Because I wasn’t losing her. Not again.
Not ever.
I waited until after dark to sneak into Abrams, not that I really needed to sneak around given that a) it was a co-ed and b) I was Zach Messiah. But I wanted to surprise Calli, and I knew she wouldn’t appreciate me showing up and making a scene. So I opted