gotta switch tuxes.” I pointed him towards the bathroom again.
“No. Stay here. Sandra has to go over the routine once the ceremony starts. You weren’t at the rehearsal. You don’t know what to do.”
I grunted. “I walk Carmen down the aisle and stand on your side of the altar. It’s not rocket science.”
“It’s a wedding. It’s worse! Change here.”
“What?”
“I swear to God, Nate—”
“Fine.” I waved him off. “Whatever. Josh, strip.”
Josh was a nervous kid who went into accounting because he didn’t like working in open spaces. I hated causing someone’s nightmare to come to life, but we didn’t have a choice. His fingers trembled just unbuttoning his coat.
Our shirts switched first. I kicked off my shoes and unbuckled the pants, but Lindsey’s shriek echoed over the church.
“Oh, no you don’t, pretty boy!”
Bryce panicked upon seeing his bride and turned away, hiding his eyes. I wasn’t lucky enough to have permission to flee.
Lindsey tripped over the layers upon layers of fluffy white lace and whatever they used to puff the wedding dresses out like old-school princesses gowns. She poked a finger in my chest then aimed south.
“Oh no. I know what you’re firing down there. Your pants stay on.”
“These…aren’t my pants.”
“Well, you’re not getting in Mandy’s anymore, so forget it.”
“Thanks…” I gritted my teeth. “But I’m trying to get in Josh’s now.”
Lindsey snorted. “Well, at least he doesn’t have a uterus. Knock yourself out before you knock someone else up.”
If my pants weren’t at my ankles, and if every bridesmaid I’d slept with wasn’t staring at the moneymaker I used to knock up the bride’s innocent little sister, I’d have let Lindsey know exactly what I thought of her damn wedding. Instead I kicked the trousers to Josh and worked on buttoning the dress shirt.
That’s when I saw the son of a bitch.
Mandy wasn’t here, but her knight-in-shining-armor dared to show his face. Granted, I couldn’t fault the best man for attending his brother’s wedding, but he had a lot of balls to confront me.
Too bad mine were bigger…and very nearly on display for the bridal party.
Rick wasn’t a classy bastard, but he thought he was witty. He glanced at my boxers and gave me a goddamned smirk.
“So who’s the lucky lady today?”
I didn’t give him the pleasure of an argument. This was only gonna get settled one way.
I reared back and swung, punching him clean on the cheek.
“Jesus fuck!” Rick howled and staggered backward.
Rick wasn’t a physical guy, but he never backed down from a fight. Today was no different. He leapt at me, pushing at my chest.
“What the hell is your problem?”
The bridesmaids all squealed a different octave of drunken harmony. Rick swiped for my jaw, but I dodged his punch.
I decked him again. “What the hell are you doing proposing to Mandy?”
Rick made the mistake of getting too close. I captured him in a headlock and rammed his back into the wall. A crucifix fell, and the wedding party shrieked. Bryce tried to peel me off his brother.
“I gave her an option!” Rick swore. “In case you didn’t!”
“Fuck you! You had no idea what I was going to do!”
“Neither did Mandy!”
Jesus. I’d put his goddamned head through the wall. We grunted, and I blocked his kick.
“I trusted you, man. When Jada hit on me, I turned her down because I knew she was your wife. But the instant Mandy gets upset, you offer to marry her? What the fuck!”
“I wanted to be there in case you didn’t take responsibility.”
The rage stiffened my spine. I launched at him, pummeling him with three more blows.
“That’s my baby!”
The bridesmaids abandoned their posts, kicked off their shoes, and rushed me with their bouquets. A nasty arrangement of roses smacked my head. They hadn’t stripped the thorns. The barbs dug into my ear and ripped. Another bridesmaid whipped my ass with her bouquet. A third bit my elbow.
Lindsey screamed at us both, an empty champagne bottle raised for the final blow on whichever one of us assholes she punished first.
A startled voice squealed from the doorway. The room silenced. Rick and I froze.
“What are you doing to each other?”
Mandy rushed between us, pushing us apart. She stared at me and Rick, her eyes wide with shock.
“Nate, what are you doing? Why are you fighting? And why aren’t you wearing pants?”
Rick shoved me away. “Don’t worry about it. We’re fine.”
We were so far from fine I couldn’t spit to reach the line he crossed. He straightened his tux and tossed me my pants.
“Nate just