potential divots…
I pretended not to see the empty ring box in his hand.
All normal chaos.
I searched, but one person was still missing.
Nate wasn’t here.
The thought crushed me, but I didn’t let it show. My family was already in shambles, and I ran out of material to patch them together. At this point, I tugged only on strings, and most of them were mine as I unraveled.
We only had to survive one more day, then Nate and I could really discuss things without the shock fueling our arguments.
If it wasn’t too late.
“Well, I hope you’re happy, Conrad,” Mom stood, hands on her hips as Dad strung more crepe paper. “You got your wish. A small wedding in a fellowship hall. Or outside of it. Why aren’t you celebrating?"
“My hands are a little full right now, Sandra. We’ll leap for joy later, when the kids have an extra ten grand they can use for a down payment on the house.”
“They have their entire lives to pay off a mortgage. This day is special.”
“They’re getting a special day,” Dad said.
“How? In the middle of a backyard? With traffic and noise and no string quartet?”
“What do you want from me? It’s not like I can do CPR on Mildred!” He laughed as Mom sputtered. “Go ahead. Tell me her dying is my fault.”
“Your attitude isn’t helping!” Mom shouted. “This is their only wedding day!”
“We hope.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” She pointed a finger at him. “Don’t you throw that in my face today of all days.”
Dad snorted. “I’m getting real tired of playing hot and cold with you, Sandra. I’ve accepted my fault in our marriage. When will you?”
“I accepted fault for thirty years!”
“Like hell.”
I found a chair at the far corner of the yard where I could ignore the screaming. I checked my to-do list.
Cookies
Flowers
Find Nate
Try on dress
Apologize to Nate
Salon-Hair and nails in the AM
Declare feelings to Nate
Beg Nate to talk to me
Just be with Nate
Not much of it was doable.
I was supposed to check things off, not add more problems to solve. But nothing I said or did would forgive me for keeping the secret about the pregnancy.
Now it wasn’t about me. I had to think about the baby. I spent too long running scared, and it wasn’t fair to the little guy or girl who deserved as much love and attention and care as I could give. Part of that would include taking better care of myself.
After Nate had left, I tossed and turned and threw up all night. I was already a pregnancy-zombie, shuffling around in a state of tempered terror and exhaustion. I might have fallen asleep in the chair right there if Lindsey hadn’t screamed for the flowers.
That was my cue.
I rose, a little weepy and a lot nauseous. It was the classic pregnancy duo, back to strike me down. I emptied my car and dropped most of the baskets and wreaths near where we planned to set up the altar.
Lindsey stared at me like I’d dragged Mildred herself to the party.
She gasped. “Did you…take the flowers?”
“I borrowed the flowers. It’s not stealing. It’s resourceful.”
“But—”
I pointed at her, my voice a little too shrill. “Look. We’re pressed for time and it’s not looking any better. We have to adapt.”
“They’re funeral flowers.”
“So? We’re on our own right now, Lindsey. Do you understand? This is it. It’s our only shot. No one else is coming to help us. We can’t waste time and hope for the best. We have to do whatever we can to stay afloat. You’re either in or out, but I’m not going to stop when the only opportunity I have left is about to slip through my fingers. You got it?”
Lindsey’s mouth dropped open. She timidly nodded. “Yeah…yeah, whatever you want, Mandy. That’s fine.”
I headed back to the car for the last load of requisitioned flowers, but Rick stopped me before I snuck through the fellowship hall. He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the dark and quiet beyond the set-up.
“Okay, Mandy,” he said. “What the hell was that?”
Rick didn’t take a shrug and frown for an answer. He stood in my way, arms crossed and doing his best impersonation of the big brother I never had.
“I’m fine,” I said.
“You’re not fine. You’re upset.” He lowered his voice. “Nate’s not here.”
“I hadn’t noticed.”
“Liar. Where is he?”
I wished I knew. “I don’t know. We had the talk yesterday. I haven’t seen him since.”
“You told him?” Rick swore. “And he ran off?”
It wasn’t like that. I covered