How dare ye come into my home and lie to us. To take her ring. You …” he points at us wildly, “you proposed to her there, ye said things over that ring that weren’t true. That’s blasphemy. You’ll be cursed for that!”
“They were true. Everything I said was true,” Padraig pleads. “I love Valerie, I do with all my heart.”
“That’s a bucket of shite! How am I supposed to believe that when ye have lied about everything else? How am I supposed to believe that you can even love someone else when ye never showed any love toward your own father!”
“Because my own father never loved me!” Padraig yells back. “You never showed me any love, you just pushed me away and suffered for your loss, but guess what, I lost, too! I lost my mam and my sister and then I lost you. You might be dying now but I feel like I lost you a long time ago!”
“Ach, away with ye,” Colin says, looking disgusted. He glances up at his nurse and points to the backdoor. “Take me away from here. I don’t want to have to listen to any of this.” She starts to pull out the wheelchair and he glances at Padraig, pain in his eyes. “You made me the fool, son. You played with my heart and my feelings so that you could feel better about yourself.” He pauses, practically spits on the floor. “You are my life’s biggest disappointment.”
Padraig drops my hand. I’m afraid he might just fall over in general, so I put my arm around his waist to support him. We both stare, speechless, as the nurse opens the door and wheels Colin out into the back yard.
“Well, I think I’ve lost my appetite,” Agnes says quietly, throwing her napkin on the salad. She gets to her feet so she’s standing across from us.
She doesn’t say anything.
But I know everything she’s feeling.
How hurt and disappointed she is in us, too.
She clears her throat. “I’m going to go lie down for a while. I don’t wish to be disturbed.” Then she turns and heads to the stairs.
Gail is already gone. She must have left during the yelling match.
Leaving only Major who is digging into his salad.
Padraig seems like he’s in a trance. I can feel the pain radiating off of him, the sadness and the fear and the guilt. Everything we tried so hard to avoid is now out and it’s hurt everyone we know.
“He’ll come around, ye know,” the Major says through a mouthful of food, surprising us.
We turn to look at him.
“What?” Padraig’s asks, his voice broken.
The Major nods at the door and swallows. “Your father. Colin. He’ll come around. He’s just a little hurt, that’s all, and he’s always had an explosive temper, just like you Padraig, but in time he’ll understand that ye did it to help him. I can see that.” He nods at me. “And I can see you two truly do love each other.”
A tepid smile tugs at my lips. “So you heard all that?”
He frowns at me. “What?”
“Nevermind,” I tell him. “Enjoy your dinner.”
“What?”
I just give him a wave and lead Padraig away from the table and over to his room.
“I’ve lost him,” Padraig says, stunned, as he sits down on his bed. He looks up at me with tears in his eyes. “Even before he’s gone I’ve lost him. I’m his life’s biggest disappointment.”
I swallow the own tears in my throat. “At least it’s all out in the open now.”
He gives me an acidic smile that chills me. “There is no silver lining here, Valerie. So don’t go looking for one.”
20
Padraig
The next morning it’s like winter has settled inside the house.
It’s cold, not just temperature wise, but seems devoid of any love and any life. Sterile and unforgiving.
Valerie wakes up in my bed. I didn’t think we’d get in shite for it from Nan since she looked at us yesterday like we were a pair of strangers to her. Usually she’s feisty and angry and reactive but to get that deep, cold chill from her hurts more than anything else.
Almost as much as what happened with my father.
I knew I should have kept it a secret since we had kept it a secret so long. But with Gail wanting to rat us out, I knew that it was better coming from us than from her.
And so it all came out.
All of it.
Not just the lie but the lies I’ve told myself all these