but might work.”
“I’ll let him know,” I tell him. When I first started seeing the doctor, I’d mentioned my father had been recently diagnosed with prostate cancer. Since my father used to play rugby for the Munster team, a lot of people know who he is and still take an interest in him. I’d then mentioned what the doctor had offered to my nan but I have a feeling my father turned it down. Until today, it seems, neither of them had thought it warranted it.
“But we’re not here to talk about your father,” the doctor says, putting the files to the side and folding his hands on the desk. “Can you tell me again about what happened on the day of the concussion? You had mentioned something about your vision and that’s why you didn’t see the guy coming.”
I hate being reminded of how I fucked everything up, but I soldier on. “Yeah. I was looking to pass and then everything went blurry and fuzzy for a moment, like I was seeing double, like I was drunk but a little, I don’t know, rougher than that. And then suddenly I was hit, was driven straight down, and my head hit the ground.”
“And had you had any problems with your vision before that?” he asked.
I shake my head. “With my eyes? No. Never. I’ve always had better than twenty-twenty vision. My role depends on it.”
“And now, how is it?”
“Fine. I had those problems a few days after the concussion, the same sort of thing, but it went away. In fact, aside from still feeling dizzy when I get up some mornings, perhaps a little shaky too, I feel pretty much one hundred percent. I mean, I think I could get back on the pitch and play.”
“That’s good,” he says, lips pressed together in a tight smile. “And with some luck on our side, I think you’ll be able to return to the game in some form, though I can’t say when at this time.”
I sigh, feeling defeated. I don’t know why I was expecting him to just give me a clean bill of health and let me get back to it, but I was. Motherfucking hope got me by the neck again.
“I know you’re disappointed, Padraig,” the doctor goes on. “But concussions are serious. To put you back in the game before you’re ready could be a big mistake.”
“But don’t the MRI results say that everything is fine?” I gesture to the files. “Isn’t that why you took them, to see the swelling, to give me an idea of what’s next?”
The doctor gives me that thin smile again and momentarily taps his fingers against the desk. “The thing is, Padraig, your concussion is gone.”
“Oh,” I say, sitting up straighter. “Well, why didn’t ye tell me that?”
“Because it’s no longer the issue.”
“What’s the issue?” I ask.
He licks his lips. “I have some suspicions. Some concerns that might be unrelated to the concussion. I think we’re going to have to run another MRI and have a closer look.”
A cold sinking feeling forms in my chest. “A closer look at what?”
The tight smile on the doctor’s face fades before he gives me his answer.
4
Valerie
“This was a huge mistake,” I mumble into my hands, my eyes pinched shut.
Suddenly the carriage jerks to the left and my head goes conking into Angie’s.
“It’s an adventure!” Sandra squeals loudly.
“You call dying in a horse-drawn carriage an adventure?” I yell.
“You just said your New Year’s resolution was to say yes to new adventures,” Angie says. “Which I didn’t think would include this.”
By this, she means the fact that after a tour of the Guinness brewery here in Dublin, we decided to take a horse-drawn cart into the Temple Bar area where we planned to spend our New Year’s Eve. I just didn’t think the cart would be so tiny, the horse would go so fast, and that the sky would start dumping wet snow on us, making the carriage slip and slide in every direction.
“Actually, I believe Val’s resolution was just to say yes more, starting with saying yes to everything for the next few days,” Sandra says and then giggles as the cart rounds another corner, nearly taking out a car, and the three of us go banging into each other again like we’re on some sort of amusement park ride. My back is killing me, especially after the plane ride, but I manage to swallow down the pain.
“Since when do New Year’s resolutions start on the