grate of desire down her spine from just standing too close to him.
Of course, he had more practice in separating heart from body. He could not care at all and still derive pleasure. That was what rakes did, after all. In truth, she was likely just another warm body in his bed. Pleasure explored, but eventually forgotten in the warm glow of every other woman he’d derived it from.
For her it was more complicated. Sometimes she felt confused, as though she cared for Cav on a deeper level than mere friendship. As though she could even…love him.
But that couldn’t be. It was only that she’d never bedded a man she didn’t love. Andrew was her only point of reference.
“You look beautiful, my lady.”
Emily started because she had gotten so wrapped up in thoughts of Cav that she had lost track of what her maid, Mary, had been doing as she readied her for the night’s Epiphany Eve masquerade ball. This gathering would be larger than any of the others, and included many who hadn’t been part of the country party.
Mary motioned toward the mirror, and Emily looked. She did look nice. She wore a new gown, one with fine beading and perfect gathering that created a waterfall of silk down the front of her dress. The sea-blue color matched her eyes perfectly. Cav liked gowns that did that. He always complimented her on them.
Drat. There she was, thinking of him again. She’d had the dress designed months ago with this ball in mind. She couldn’t have been thinking of what Cav would want then…could she?
“My lady, do you not like what I’ve done with your hair?” Mary asked, her brow wrinkling in concern.
“I do,” Emily assured her with a forced smile. She looked at her hair. Mary had curled and lifted and pinned it into a gorgeous swath of gold. “I love it—you are wonderful, as always. Now, shall we place the mask?”
Mary nodded and drew forth the most beautiful mask. To match her blue dress, Emily had it designed with peacock feathers and paste sapphires. Her smile widened to something more genuine as Mary settled it carefully so it wouldn’t muss her hair.
She looked herself and yet not at the same time. A mysterious lady who could pretend to be anyone and anything else she wished to be. What would she do with that freedom? If she were someone else what…and who…would she pursue at a masquerade ball where a lady could be…naughty?
She feared she knew the answer to that question. Feared the thrill that worked through her at the idea. Cav kept returning to her mind, it seemed. Despite the fact that she knew their friendship was the most important thing. Despite the fact she already felt she was destroying it every time she inched closer to him.
She glanced at the clock and gasped. “Oh, gracious, I’m a little more than fashionably late. Thank you again, my dear.”
“Have a wonderful evening, my lady,” Mary called out as Emily dashed from the room.
She hurried down the stairs and through the halls to the ballroom. Already she heard music playing and imagined far more than eleven ladies were dancing inside, to thwart her Twelve Days of Christmas theme. She walked through the open doors and couldn’t hold back her gasp.
Her staff had certainly earned the bonuses they would be receiving tomorrow for Epiphany. They had always taken wonderful care of her and tonight was no different. Her ballroom looked like a magical fairyland, with candlelight sparkling and pale blue gauze draped just so. Her staff wore plain white masks studded in gold and moved effortlessly through the crowd. They tended to guests, making everything so perfect that Emily’s eyes filled with tears.
This was likely the last event she would ever host here. The last time she would be the lady of this house.
“My lady!”
She jolted from her maudlin thoughts and laughed as she was approached by some of her guests. Not only were her houseguests in attendance, but she had called forward friends from London and the shire, as well. It was a jolly, full ballroom, indeed.
She fell into the role of hostess, complimenting all the beautiful gowns and masks, playing the game of guessing who was who as she went from person to person. She almost felt herself again as she did so.
Almost. Because she still found herself glancing around the room whenever she had a moment. She could pretend a thousand reasons for that, but there was only