I hadn’t told my parents where I really was would make him angry. But I didn’t expect him to get that angry.
Or for him to walk away.
I let him go. I didn’t even cry. I felt like it, though. I wanted to chase after him and beg him not to go, but he wouldn’t listen. I know I have to make things right. With my family. With Eli.
By the time I’m in Ellie’s car and we’re headed back to her place, I’m in a complete funk.
“So, you and Eli back together?” she asks, her voice lightly teasing.
“Sort of,” I mumble, pressing my head against the seat and closing my eyes. “We still need to work out a few details.”
“I’m sure you will. You two looked pretty cute earlier, when he was standing behind you with his arms around your waist,” Ellie says.
My heart pangs at the too recent memory. Maybe we moved too fast. We should’ve talked more. I should’ve been more open about our family situation. How it’s still really tense, especially between Jake and me. My parents still aren’t one hundred percent happy with me either. I’m making mistakes over and over again, and I don’t know how to correct them.
I decide to change the subject.
“Let’s forget about Eli and me for a moment and focus on you.” I pause. “And Jackson Rivers.”
Even in the dark interior of her car, I can tell Ellie is blushing. “It’s nothing.”
“Oh it’s something. Tell me what’s going on.”
“He’s nice.”
“Uh huh.”
“I love watching him play the guitar. He’s got great fingers.” A dreamy sigh escapes her as she clutches the steering wheel tight.
“Are you thinking about all the places those great fingers of his could touch you?” I ask. Now I’m the one who’s teasing.
But I’m also very serious.
“Oh my God, Ava. Come on.”
“Come on what?” I shake my head. “I couldn’t have grossed you out. I know you’re attracted to him. So what’s the problem?”
She’s quiet for a moment as she navigates the winding road. A car passes by us going in the opposite direction, its headlights flashing briefly across her face and I see the worry and fear there. All the insecurities she suffers from.
My best friend has always had a problem seeing how great she is.
“I don’t think he’s attracted to me. I’m not the type of girl he’d go for,” she finally says, her voice small.
“That’s a bunch of crap, and you know it. You’re almost too good for him, if you ask me. You’re smart and cute and funny. You go out of your way to help people. You’re interesting and fun to hang out with,” I tell her. “I could create a long list of all of your amazing qualities, but you’ll eventually get embarrassed and tell me to stop. So I’m going to quit now before it all goes to your head.”
She laughs, but it sounds forced. Fake. “I don’t have a chance with a guy like him.”
“A guy like him? He’s just a guy, Ellie. And I saw the way he looked at you. You definitely have a chance.”
“How did he look at me?” she asks quickly, her gaze whipping to mine for a brief moment before she refocuses on the road ahead.
I want to describe the moment I witnessed perfectly. It looked like something momentous was happening between them, and he was fully aware of it. And pursuing it. “He looked at you like he might want to write a song about you,” I finally say.
Ellie makes a face. “No way.”
“Yes, he did! I swear!”
“Really?”
I hate how unsure she sounds. Like she can’t believe me when I literally witnessed their flirtation. Everyone by the fire did, too, if they were paying attention. “Really,” I say, my voice firm. “I think you should go for it.”
“But how? What do I do next? What do I say? Send him a text admitting I have a giant crush on him?” Ellie sighs, sounding dejected. “He’ll be like, that’s great. Lots of girls have giant crushes on me. Next!”
“He will not. I could tell, the way he watched you, he’s interested,” I reaffirm. “Maybe just hit him up on Snap. Ask to start a streak.”
“Uh, I already did that,” she admits. “We’ve been Snapchatting since the last party we went to at the cabin.”
Just like I kept secrets from my best friend, she’s been holding out on me too. “Get the hell out,” I breathe. “You never told me!”
“I didn’t want to say anything because it feels