tonight too, in form fitting jeans, a really cute, cropped hot pink Champion sweatshirt with black slip on Vans on her feet and giant silver hoops in her ears. I’m digging her I’m a casual but extra girl vibe.
“I know. Tons more.” My heart deflates the closer we get to the cabin. I hear boys yelling and laughing, encouraging someone to do a shot. Screaming girls. The strum of a guitar. The sight of flames. They’re having a fire again, and I’m sure Jackson is sitting beside it, playing for the girls while they all watch him with adoring gazes, like he’s some sort of rock star.
Whatever.
“Jackson has his groupies I see,” Ellie says, her tone snarky as we approach the hill where the cabin sits.
Yep, right out front like last time, it’s mostly girls sitting in a big circle with Jackson in the center facing the fire and the street. Facing us. We approach the group, me reluctantly following Ellie as she picks up speed. She stops behind the row of girls, directly in Jackson’s line of vision and it’s like he knows. He’s bent over his guitar, his fingers plucking at the strings one by one until he pauses. Lifting his head, his gaze searches, quickly landing on Ellie. And then he smiles. This slow, confident smile that lights up his entire face as he shakes his longish blond hair away from his eyes.
Ellie smiles in return and I watch them, my head swiveling back and forth like I’m at a tennis match I can’t keep up with. Wait a minute. Ellie and…Jackson?
Nooooo.
Maybe?
My best friend was easy to convince to go to this party instead of our original plans, and I never questioned it. I didn’t explain to Wyatt why I wouldn’t be at Tony’s, let alone tell him I wasn’t going to show up in the first place, and I feel like shit about it. I don’t want to lead him on, but I couldn’t tell him the truth. That would break his heart, and I can’t deal with that right now. I’m nursing a broken heart myself.
I didn’t know what Autumn said to Jake last night either, but he played nice earlier this morning, before we left for school, and he told me he talked to our parents, and we weren’t grounded any longer. That he would say I’d be at Tony’s house tonight. He assured me this with far too much ease, which actually made me uneasy, but Autumn told me not to worry about it. She had me covered.
I’m sure Jake has his suspicions, but I can’t think about that right now.
I can’t stop looking for Eli either. My gaze is searching, searching, running over every single face I see, my breath lodging in my throat when I see a boy with golden brown hair standing just a few feet to the side of Jackson.
But it’s not him.
My heart drops and hopelessness fills me. I think about going in search of something to drink, but I can’t ditch Ellie for fear I might never find her again.
“Okay quiet down, quiet down,” Jackson says, his voice carrying above the noise. Everyone goes silent, even the chattering girls. “I’m going to sing a song that I just learned. I’ll warn you that it’s old, and originally, it was sung by a woman. But my grandma showed it to me recently and thought I could do justice to it, so I’m going to try.” The girls giggle, and he sends them a look, shutting them up. “Yes, my grandma has cool taste in music, and we talk about it all the time. The seventies were awesome. The song is called “Dreams,” and it’s by Fleetwood Mac. Let’s go.”
He starts playing his guitar, and it’s this low, hypnotic beat. He starts to sing, his voice soft but clear, and I’m captivated by the words. The story he’s weaving. The lyrics speak to me, about what you had and what you lost and how you feel. When he starts in on the chorus, I’m totally into it. Singing about thunder happening with the rain, and players only loving you when they’re playing.
I think of Eli. I think of what we had, what we lost, and how careless we were. How careless we still are. Pretty sure I’m going to start my period soon, because I want to cry, just from an old song Jackson’s singing. I can feel the tears wanting to form in my eyes, and I mentally