touched your stomach.”
I stopped breathing, remembering the way he’d quickly rolled away once I’d repositioned his hand.
“I don’t know how I didn’t figure it out before. You don’t drink anymore. The fetus is rejecting fish. Your inexplicable mood. Some of the things Tucker has been saying to me lately. That doctor’s visit. It all just clicked.”
“Oh…”
“But then seeing how upset you are, how scared you are, how this has taken such a toll on you…it reminded of who you are, who we are. You would never force me into something I’m not ready for. It just…made me snap out of it.” He watched me for a while, an apologetic look on his face. “I’m sorry that my initial reaction wasn’t better. I was just caught off guard and overwhelmed.”
“It’s okay…”
“But now, I feel differently.” He squeezed my hand. “I wasn’t ready to have another child, but I wasn’t ready when I had Derek either. You’re never ready. You’re never ready to love someone so deeply, with all your heart. But we’ll figure it out. I’m gonna be here, always. There’s no reason to be scared.”
I started to cry again because I was so relieved.
“And you know what else I realized?”
I sniffed. “What?”
“The first time I had a child, it was with someone I didn’t love. But I love you…so much, and that’s going to make this so special. It’s different. It’s the highest form of love, to combine your DNA with another person’s, to create something that will live after you’re gone. There’s no one else in the world I would want to do that with besides you.”
It was a romantic thing to say, in his own way.
“So…I’m happy about it.”
“You are?” I wiped my tears away, trying to make myself look better even though there was nothing I could do to improve my disastrous face.
“Yes.” He cupped my cheek as he looked into my eyes. “Very.”
I moved into him, pressing my wet face into his neck, holding on to him as I finally let go of all the fear, all the stress. I didn’t expect this story to have a happy ending, for Deacon to accept this with open arms. I expected a fight, expected heartbreak, expected to move out and raise his kid as two separate parents. But he trusted me…believed me…loved me.
He rubbed my back as he held me against him and kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this alone. I wish you had told me sooner.”
“I was scared,” I whispered into his shirt. “So scared.”
“I know, but I wish you had trusted me…the way I trusted you.”
“I lost you before, and I was so scared to go through that again—because it nearly killed me. I wanted to enjoy our happiness a while longer…before I lost everything. But you’re right. I should have said something sooner. I’m sorry.”
He kissed my forehead again. “It’s okay, baby.”
I pulled away and stared into his eyes.
His fingers cupped my cheek, looking into my face with a slight smile on his lips.
“What?” I whispered.
“We’re having a baby.”
I finally felt the joy for the first time, finally allowed myself to feel happy. I was over-the-moon, inexplicably happy. It was unexpected and certainly unplanned, but it was such a gift, a blessing, and now that the guilt was gone…I finally felt everything. My hand went to my stomach, feeling the almost unnoticeable bump, the extra weight on my waist, and I felt my eyes water again, but this time in joy.
He placed his hand over mine, feeling our baby with me, his smile widening into a full one, that handsome smile he almost never wore. But he did now, his fingers gently squeezing mine.
Tears dripped down my cheeks again, but this time I smiled through it. “We’re having a baby…”
Once Deacon knew, my mood changed.
No longer somber, miserable, or scared, I was now happy…really happy.
Deacon returned to his usual self, affectionate, warm, loving. There was obviously enough room in his heart to love me as well as another person. All his reservations were gone, and we went back to normal.
I bought new clothes since my old ones were starting not to fit, but I kept all of them because I intended to fit into them after the baby was born. I wore loose dresses since I would grow into them over the next few months.
I came home late one night, dinner already on the table because Deacon got it started once he got home. There was grilled chicken and vegetables,