back to the whole thing with Valerie, and he might not take it well. I really don’t know what his reaction will be. On the one hand, I feel like he’s grown into a different person with you. But on the other…this is a really touchy subject for him.”
“Yeah…I know.”
He gave me an apologetic look. “I’m sorry… I wish I could tell you he would be understanding, but I really don’t know.”
“I know.”
“But regardless of the outcome, you have to tell him. He’s got a baby on the way, and he has no idea.”
I wanted to be happy as long as I could, to live in that fairy tale until I ran out of time.
“Did you think about…getting an abortion?”
I literally felt nauseated at the suggestion, repulsed because I could never, ever do that. “No.”
“Because you could—”
“That’s not an option.” Thinking about doing it at all was sickening, but doing it to Deacon’s baby…the man I loved…was just disturbing. I hadn’t really acknowledged my baby’s existence because I was too concerned with Deacon’s reaction, but I knew I loved them…so much. I just didn’t know if Deacon would still love me once he knew.
“Then you need to tell him.”
“I know.”
“For what it’s worth, I can’t even tell.”
“My clothes are starting to get tight, and I’m starting to feel sick in the morning. That was when I was forced to confront this, because I can’t keep pretending it’s not real. I don’t drink wine and I tell myself I’m just not in the mood, but I know the real reason why. I just…don’t know how to tell him. I can’t think of a way to tell him without making him assume I did it on purpose. I know that will be his reaction.”
He shrugged. “Yeah, there’s only so many ways to say it. But he does love you, really love you. So, maybe he’ll be angry, maybe he’ll need space for a while, and then maybe he’ll come back around.”
“I can’t do another two months, Tucker, especially when I’m pregnant.” I needed Deacon. I needed him beside me every night. I needed him to place his hand on my stomach and look at me with love in his eyes. I needed him to take care of us, to give us a home, to make us a family. I could do this on my own, but I really, really didn’t want to. I wanted Deacon beside me…every single day.
Tucker dropped his gaze. “I don’t know what to say, Cleo. This is Deacon we’re talking about. His reactions are just different from other people’s. For certain, he will be a part of this baby’s life. He’s not gonna leave you high and dry and just move on. He will take care of both of you.”
“But I want him…”
“That…I don’t know. I think it will happen, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there are a lot of bumps on the way. That’s just how he is.”
I knew Tucker was right. It was unlikely that I would tell Deacon and he would just be calm about the whole thing. He would take it as a betrayal, especially since I’d talked about us having kids so many times…like a damn idiot.
“But I’ll always be here for you, Cleo. If he does go off the deep end, you still have me.”
I smiled, but it hurt to do it.
“I’m the uncle, right? That means we’re family. So, I’ll step up if he steps down.”
“Thank you, Tucker. But I don’t need help with the baby. I’m not worried about that. I’m just worried…about losing the love of my life.”
Seventeen
Deacon
I was one of the few people who went back to work quickly.
Others decided to take off a few extra days, to have time to adjust to the drastic time difference. But I had more responsibilities than my research, so I was in my office, wishing I were home with Cleo and Derek.
Theresa’s message popped up on my monitor. Dr. Hawthorne is here to see you.
We’d seen each other on the flight back but didn’t speak. She didn’t make eye contact with me. I’d hoped she would clear out her desk and leave her resignation letter with Theresa, but I should have known it wouldn’t be that easy. I hadn’t wanted to tell Cleo what happened because it would only validate her insecurity, but when I looked her in the eye and withheld the information, it made me feel disloyal. So, I got it off my chest and came clean, confessed