I felt too guilty keeping that secret from her…even if it would have been better in the end.”
Tucker stared at me.
I drank my beer and watched him. “What?”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“I know. You’re just…not yourself.”
He shrugged. “I might be a little drunk already…”
It seemed like he’d only had one beer, but maybe he’d chugged a couple before I got there. “How are things with Pria?”
“Great. We’re really getting along.”
“Getting serious?”
“I mean, we’re exclusive. We aren’t getting married or…having a baby…anytime soon.” He stared at his beer.
“You guys have been seeing each other for several months now?” It was almost as long as Cleo and I had been together, not including that two-month break in between.
He nodded. “Yeah. Pretty good amount of time.”
“Do you think it’ll go anywhere?”
“I mean, I love her. I’ve told her that. I think about proposing, but I’m gonna wait a while.”
“Why?”
He shrugged. “Rings are fucking expensive, man. And I don’t want to cheap out. My wife is gonna wear that forever, you know? Don’t want it to be small or dull. But then it’s gonna break the bank…”
Cleo’s ring cost a pretty penny, even for me. But I wanted her to have something nice, because she did like nice things. But I didn’t tell Tucker about it, didn’t tell anyone about it. I had the ring, but I didn’t know how or when I would propose. Baby steps, I guess. “Maybe you should have her move in first. Split the cost of rent. It’ll help you save quicker.”
“I can’t ask her to move in then pay half the rent. That’s lame.”
I shrugged. “We live in an equal society.”
“Yeah, but that’s not romantic. You make Cleo pay half the mortgage?”
“Well…no.” But that was totally different. I could afford everything on my own, and she didn’t even make enough to be able to make any meaningful contribution. “But that’s not really the same.”
“I’m an old-fashioned guy. I want to be the breadwinner. I want to take care of my wife. I want her to stay home with the kids.”
I guess I was that way too. I wanted Cleo to stay home with Derek, but that wasn’t her personality. She wanted more out of life. I had to respect that instead of trying to change her. Her independence was one of the things I admired about her in the first place. “I get it.”
“So…” He stared at his beer for a while before he looked at me. “You think Cleo would stay home if you had more kids?”
I shrugged. “I doubt it. I can’t see her giving up her job.”
He nodded slowly. “You ever talk about that? You know, having kids…soon?”
I shook my head. “We aren’t there. She’s told me she wants to have kids, and if that’s how it has to be, I’ll do it. But right now, our lives are so perfect—I don’t want to change anything. Derek just started going to school. Having another baby would be a nightmare at this point.” I barely had enough time with her as it was.
He nodded again. “Yeah…maybe in a few years.”
I drank my beer. “She says she wants to have kids, but she’s so ambitious that I think she’ll realize being a mother is just not a lifestyle she wants. She’ll try to do both, keep her job and raise a family, but she just can’t. She’ll have to choose. And at the end of the day, I don’t think she’ll walk away from her job. So, it may never happen anyway.” Cleo loved her job, just got a raise, and it wouldn’t make sense for her to ever leave it. And she wouldn’t want Patricia to raise them all day either.
“Yeah,” Tucker said quietly. “Maybe…”
Derek talked about his day over dinner, hijacking the conversation by talking about his friends, his assignments, the next field trip, and the other ins and outs of a six-year-old.
Instead of being annoyed by it, I engaged with him, knowing he wouldn’t always want to tell me about his day. He would get older, realize I wasn’t that cool, and go into his room to text his friends.
Cleo was quiet, pushing her food around and not eating much.
When Derek was finished, he asked to be excused. “Can I go back to working on my rocket?”
“Sure.”
Derek left and went into his room.
Cleo didn’t even seem to notice he’d left. Her eyes were on her plate, cutting into the fillet without placing it in her mouth. Her greens were mostly eaten, but very little of