a fucking chance. You were nothing but a math equation already solved when you were conceived, all the answers predetermined."
Luchas closed those lids again and shuddered. "I keep running it through my head. All those years growing up, from my first memory...to the last thing I saw that night when..." He coughed a little, like his chest hurt, or maybe his heart rhythm went wonky. "I hated him. Did you know that?"
"No. But I can't say it surprises me."
"I don't want to go back in that house again."
"Then you don't have to. But if you do...I'll go with you."
Luchas looked over once again. "Really?"
Qhuinn nodded his head. Even though he was in no hurry to walk through those rooms and dance with the ghosts of the past, he would go there if Luchas did.
Two survivors, back to the scene of crimes that had defined them.
"Yeah. Really."
Luchas smiled a little, the expression nothing close to what he'd used to sport. And that was okay. Qhuinn liked it much better. It was honest. Fragile, but honest.
"I'll see you soon," Qhuinn said.
"That would be...very nice."
Turning away, Qhuinn pushed open the door, and -
Blay was waiting for him out in the corridor, smoking a cigarette as he sat on the floor.
As Qhuinn came out of his brother's room, Blay got to his feet and stabbed his Dunhill out on the lip of the drink he'd been nursing. He wasn't sure what he expected the fighter to look like, but it hadn't been this: So tense and unhappy, in spite of the incredible honor he'd been paid. Then again, spending time at your brother's bedside was hardly a joyous occasion.
And Blay wasn't stupid. Saxton was back in the house.
"I thought I'd find you here," he said, when the other male didn't even offer a hello.
In fact, Qhuinn's blue and green stare went around the corridor, hitting pretty much everything except him.
"So, ah, how's your brother?" he prompted.
"Alive."
Guess that was the best they could hope for right now.
And guess that was all Qhuinn intended to say. Maybe he shouldn't have come down here. "I, ah, I wanted to say congratulations."
"Thanks."
Okay, Qhuinn still wasn't looking at him. Instead, the guy was focused in the direction of the office, like in his mind he'd already walked down to the damn thing and put that closet full of paper supplies to good use -
The sound of Qhuinn cracking his knuckles was loud as gunshots. Then he flexed his hands, spreading the fingers as if they hurt.
"So it's historic." Blay went to take another cigarette out of his pack, and stopped himself. "A real first."
"Been a lot firsts around here lately," Qhuinn said with an edge.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. It really isn't relevant."
Christ, Blay thought, he shouldn't have done this. "Can you look at me? I mean, would it fucking kill you to look at me?"
Those mismatched eyes shot around. "Oh, I saw you, all right. Guess your man's home. You gonna tell him you fucked me while he was gone? Or you gonna keep that a dirty little secret. Yeah, shhhhhhh, don't tell my cousin."
Blay gritted his teeth. "You sanctimonious son of a bitch."
"Excuse me, I'm not the one with a boyfriend - "
"You are actually going to stand here and pretend you were all out in the open about us? Like when Vishous came out of that room" - he jabbed his forefinger across the hall - "you didn't jump up like your ass was on fire? You want to pretend that you were all proud that you were fucking a guy?"
Qhuinn seemed momentarily stunned. "You think that was why? And not, oh, lemme think, trying to respect the fact that you were cheating on the love of your life!"
By this point, they were both jacked forward on their hips, their voices careening up and down the corridor.
"Oh, bullshit." Blay slashed his hand through the air. "That is such total bullshit! See, this has always been your problem. You've never wanted to come out - "
"Come out? Like I'm gay?!"
"You fuck men! What the good goddamn do you think it means!"
"That is you - you fuck guys. You don't like women and females - "
"You have never been able to accept who you are," Blay bellowed, "because you're afraid of what people think! The great iconoclast, Mr. Pierced, crippled by his fucking family! The truth is, you're a pussy and you always have been!"
Qhuinn's expression was one of absolute fury, to the point that Blay