my gaze to his. “I will get him.”
He doesn’t wait for me to agree or disagree as he disentangles himself from me. I sit up, brushing the hair out of my eyes, and extend my arms, eager to hold my baby. Jaxar hands Kharis to me, and for a moment the entire world disappears as I cradle the tiny figure, securing him to my breast. The love that flows from me to him is indescribable, and I know I’m beyond infatuated.
My husband settles next to me before wrapping one arm around my back, positioning me so that I recline against his sturdy frame. With his free hand, he grips my thigh, running his thumb back and forth over my exposed skin.
“Did you sleep well?”
I clear my throat and take a preparatory breath. Being snuggled up to Jaxar like this while holding our child has been a dream I’ve been wanting to experience for a long time, but there’s a bitter taste in my mouth whenever I think of his recent behavior. Yet he’s willing to bring Grefina to speak to me…
“I think so?” I shrug, unsure of what else to say. “Last night was a little bit of a blur.”
“Mm…I remember it quite well. Our son woke up twice, and you fed him. Even though you were sleep-deprived, you cared for him.”
I glance up at Jaxar, my brows pulling together. “I did? I don’t remember.”
“You needn’t worry, wife. I was watching over the two of you the entire time.”
“Thanks.”
He continues to caress my skin, his motions gentle and languid. But I cannot relax or appreciate his touch. If anything, I want him to leave me in peace for a little while. Our conversation last night basically ended with me needing proof of his innocence concerning Grefina, and then Jaxar all but secured that this morning with Ahknar. While I want all this put behind me, I can’t quite dismiss the fear of what this Boraq woman will say to me. The only good thing is that Jaxar has not left, which means he hasn’t had a chance to scheme with her and create matching stories.
“Be at ease, Massela.”
He shifts, bringing his hand to palm my cheek and turning my head toward him. As he gazes down at me, his pupils widen and then contract, causing the golden ring to grow large. I wonder what he sees when he looks at me.
“I want to see Yania and Tika,” I say, needing to break the heavy silence.
Being alone with Jaxar is difficult with so many unresolved things between us. It makes me crazy how I want to kiss him one minute and kill him the next. I’m hoping that with other people around us, he will give me some space, and during that time, I will fortify myself for my upcoming confrontation with Grefina.
“Is that all you want?”
His question holds so much weight that it presses on me, making me feel as if there’s a stone resting on my chest. I know I’m not good at hiding my emotions, but hopefully he doesn’t see the desperation lurking just beneath the surface. With my son here and the immediate threat of death a distant memory, I want nothing more than to be back to where I was with Jaxar. However, that’s contingent on a number of things.
I nod, but he doesn’t release me. Instead he studies me, as though drinking in the sight of me, and I will myself not to look away from his intense gaze. When he drops his hand, I stifle my sigh of relief and turn my attention to my Kharis. It is easy to get lost in the wonder of him.
“Masse and Massela.”
Anwa’s voice carries inside right before Jaxar calls for her to enter. The healer steps inside and gives me a smile, which I return.
“How are you faring?” she asks, coming to stand next to the bed.
“Tired, but I’m okay.”
“I want to examine you, just to be sure that there are no complications that have developed overnight and that I haven’t overlooked anything.” Anwa places her basket next to my hip and rifles through the items inside. “I will also want to look at the youngling.” Her gaze travels to my son, and her smile widens. “Although, he seems quite alert already, and that is good.”
Jaxar takes Kharis and removes himself from the bed while the healer pokes and presses against my abdomen, among other things. Anwa asks me a number of questions concerning my son’s eating