wheel like his mind was somewhere else.
Maybe there was some way to get both of the things I wanted. Leo and the albums. Life owed me a break. I stared out of the window but I barely saw the familiar scenery. It just blurred as I retreated into my thoughts.
I could go on the date without telling Leo, because it wasn’t really a date. I wouldn’t be cheating on Leo. It was a means to an end, and he’d understand about the albums. He’d want me to have them, even.
If I just bombed the date, showed up and fucked off again at the end, it was barely even a meeting. Except Dad had probably already thought of that. He’d want it to go well before he came good on his end of the bargain.
That left only one option—fake it ’til I make it. I sighed as I brushed my fingers against the inside of the car door, the quiet shushing sound relaxing me. I could probably pull off fake enthusiasm for an evening, but I didn’t want to.
The thought of pretending to be interested in someone rolled my stomach and sent bile to sit in my throat. If Leo found out, my actions would hurt him, and I’d promised to never hurt him again.
I wasn’t sure I could do it. Even considering that level of pretense was a betrayal too far.
Later that evening, I left the lights off as I slumped on my couch and the TV blared away almost to itself in the corner of the room. Hiding in the shadows suited my mood while I wrestled with my decision.
I glanced up at a knock at the door. I was in no mood for visitors, and I ignored it until the knock came again.
“Shayne?” Leo’s voice was muffled by the door. “Are you in there?”
Shit. I’d forgotten we’d agreed to meet tonight. I wasn’t in the mood to see anyone, last of all Leo, but I rolled off the couch and walked to the door.
I didn’t have any emotions left. They’d all drained out, leaving me numb, and when I opened the door, I only flashed the briefest of smiles.
“Hey.” Leo bobbed closer for a kiss and I allowed only the most fleeting brush of our lips before walking back to the couch. “No hey back?”
He followed me to the couch and sat down, watching me, his expression intense, and it was too much to deal with.
“You okay?” His question was light, but he clearly already knew the answer.
“Yeah, but I need to take a rain check tonight. I have some other things I need to do.” I sighed. Not much to actually do. Thoughts to explore, mostly. Decisions to make. But I couldn’t exactly chat with Leo about that.
“What do you mean, some other things you need to do?” His nose wrinkled at the top as he drew his brows in.
“Just family stuff.” I kept my eyes fixed on the TV.
“Stuff for your family? Are your parents trying to get you to do something you don’t want to do?”
Weird how he’d zeroed in on exactly the thing going on in my head, but I couldn’t let him know. He was already too close, and I was so fucking stupid. Having Leo probing around only made me feel more stupid and small because I was playing perfectly into my parents’ hands and allowing them to manipulate me all over again.
All over the sentimental value of some albums and what they meant to my past and the happy times I’d spent with Leo.
Maybe I’d been wrong before and Leo wouldn’t understand. I couldn’t afford to tell him in case it drove him away. But when I looked up at Leo, his gaze felt judgmental. Like he was watching me and finding me lacking because I couldn’t just tell my parents no. Fucking no.
Once again, I was being pushed into a position where I could save myself or save Leo, and my world was spinning out of control.
I stood. “Look, not all families can be as perfect as yours.” I meant to be calm and collected as I tried to justify everything in my head, but the words came out snappy and sneery. My parents were pushing me again, and panic raced through me at the damage they might do to Leo and me because they were never going to stop, but I turned my guilt around into an attack to get Leo to stop pushing me, too. “And before you