having a barbecue tomorrow. You coming?” Either panic or hope claimed his tone.
I didn’t say anything for a moment, and Shayne spoke again.
“If I’m the problem, if I make you too uncomfortable, I won’t go.”
I couldn’t meet his eyes that time. No matter how much he tried to control it, I knew Shayne too well, and the pain in his words was obvious. If Shayne stayed away from the barbecue for me, he was sacrificing his time with Kane, and Kane was the closest family member he had—and the only decent one. I couldn’t ask him to do that.
“Don’t worry about it. Honestly. I already have plans.” I waved my hand in front of him to dismiss his words then I risked a quick glance at him, and he nodded.
“I hope my being around isn’t interfering too much with your time with your brothers?” He lifted his voice at the end in question then he altered how he was carrying his bag, the strap making a shushing noise as it fell over his T-shirt.
Shit. I was way too aware of every move he made. “I get plenty of time with them.” Probably unhealthy amounts of family time by any other standard, but we seemed to like it. I grinned as I thought about all the voices at our family dinners, and I waved my hand again. “Honestly. Don’t even worry about it. You’re fine.”
Shit, we were having the most cordial conversation we’d had in… I cast my mind back even though I didn’t need to. In literal years. I never imagined I’d be able to talk to Shayne this way again.
And I certainly never imagined I could finish any conversation with Shayne and not feel the buzz of stress and anxiety running through my whole body—or wanting to drive home and binge eat several pints of ice cream.
We arrived at the parking lot and Shayne popped his trunk before putting his gear away.
“Have a good weekend,” I said, and I offered him a half wave as I readied to jog home.
“You too.” Shayne smiled, although the twitch of his lips held more tension than I expected to see.
But I headed away, triumph racing through my head. I could do this. I could be cordial for my sake, for everyone’s sake.
Maybe I finally had this under control.
8
Shayne
Laughter filled Kane’s yard, although I got the impression a party would spring up anywhere the Caldwells attended—they were their own party most of the time, traveling as a pack and amusing each other. My heart twisted when I saw the easy way they interacted, with the brothers calling each other out left and right, and their parents happily presiding over them from any location, it seemed. I’d never seen someone out-host the host before, but Kane seemed happy to take a backseat to Mrs. Caldwell as she ensured everyone remained happy.
Although maybe that was only fair. Most of the guests were her sons, after all. I glanced at my own brother, who seemed to have been reduced to turning sausages on the grill. Then I approached him and handed him a beer I’d just flicked the cap from.
“You’re looking a little warm there.”
He took the bottle from my hand and smoothed the condensation-covered glass over his forehead. “Just what the dentist ordered.”
“Do you need any help here?”
He shook his head and gestured his tongs out toward everyone else. “Nope. Go forth and mingle.”
My throat squeezed a little. I probably wasn’t the most welcome person in any collection of Caldwells. “Okay.”
Kane patted my shoulder. “You’ve got this. Start with Adrian—he’s looking kinda lonely over there.”
I followed his gaze toward Adrian, who looked anything but lonely, but I needed to start my charm offensive somewhere, and maybe the guy who would soon be my brother-in-law was that place.
I walked over to him. Slow, casual, easy. “Hey, Adrian.” See, I had this. I could be smooth.
“Oh, hey, Shayne,” he said, like he hadn’t known I’d been at the party the whole time.
His tone absolutely said I had no idea you were here. But I ignored that. I was still being smooth. I nursed my beer, swirling it around the bottle a little as I stood next to Adrian, trying to make it look like we were conversing or something else that granted me acceptance into their group.
Leo’s absence weighed on me, though. I’d rarely seen the Caldwells without him, and it felt wrong. He belonged with this group. I was only here by virtue of Kane. My