at bay broke, and there was nothing to hold it back any longer.
True to Callie’s word, she was the one who drove us to the dorm—which took way more time than it should have, since she was driving barely five miles per hour, but I didn’t have it in me to be irritated since she was driving me—and then we spent the night curled in my bed. She tried to convince me that he didn’t mean it, that he’s a jackass lost in his grief. And while he might be exactly that, I couldn’t keep doing this. I couldn’t keep chasing after men, begging them to love me. Begging them to choose me. Begging them to stay. I just couldn’t.
I love him, but I love myself more. And that means that I can’t keep chasing after a guy who doesn’t want me.
“Coming!” I croak, irritated when the person on the other side knocks yet again, this time louder. Maybe Callie came back but forgot her key or something. She got up early, but I didn’t have it in me to do the same. I just wanted to curl up in my bed and not get up. What was the point anyway?
“Where’s the fir— Mamá?”
I blink, not believing what I see. My mother is standing in front of me, all five feet and a row of dust of her. In my dorm room. At Blairwood.
Dark eyes that match mine take me in, her whole expression softening. “Yasmin, mi niña.”
Something in me breaks at the sound of her voice. You’d think that with everything that happened yesterday, I didn’t have any pieces left to break, but apparently I was wrong. I fall in her arms, embracing her tightly as my whole body shakes. “Mami.”
I don’t care that she’s here, although she most definitely shouldn’t be. I don’t think about what will happen if she finds out the real reason why I’m at Blairwood or how I got here in the first place. I’m just happy to have somebody I love hold me close and tell me everything will be okay. That I’ll somehow get through this.
Callie was amazing, but she doesn’t get it, not really. She got her happily ever after. With one of Nixon’s best friends, no less. She’s Nixon’s friend, and I don’t ever want to make her feel like she has to choose between the two of us. Nixon might have hurt me, but he already lost too much, I’m not about to take more from him.
So while I love Callie for all she did, it’s different to have my mom here. Because no matter how grown up you are, a girl sometimes just needs her mother.
“Shhh, mi peque.” Her arms tighten around me, slowly caressing my back.
“W-what a-are you d-doing h-here?”
“I knew something was wrong when we last talked, and since you didn’t call me back afterward, I decided to come and see you for myself. Make sure you’re okay.”
“But your work…”
Mom waves me off. “I’ve worked hard enough. I can get a few days off, no?”
“Of course.” I wrap her in another hug. “I’m so happy to see you.”
“¿Qué pasa con esas lágrimas?”
I look away, ashamed. “Everything is falling apart, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t hold it together.”
Not myself.
Not my classes.
And certainly not Nixon.
Mom’s finger slides under my chin and turns me back to face her. Her thumb slides over my cheek to wipe away my tears.
“I messed up,” I confess. “I messed up bad, Mamá.”
“I’m sure that whatever it is, it can’t be that bad. Nothing is unfixable.”
I run my hand through my hair, pulling at the strands. “This time it’s different.”
“Different how?”
I gulp down, nervous. This is it. The moment I’ve been waiting for and dreaded at the same time.
“You’ll hate me.”
“Listen to me, Yasmin. There is nothing that you could ever do that would make me hate you.”
She enters the room, going straight for my unmade bed. Sitting down, she pats the open space next to her. “Ven aquí. Tell me what’s bothering you.”
Nodding, I close the door and sit next to her. Mom wraps her arm around me, and I lean onto her shoulder, pulling my knees to my chest.
“It all goes back to when you got sick…” I start, and then I tell her everything. She knows parts of it—after all, bills didn’t magically pay themselves—but I’ve hidden a lot in the past two years. Secrets that were eating at me from the inside out.
Failed classes. Lost scholarship.