breaks. Closing my eyes, I force myself to swallow before trying again. “Promise me you won’t try to do what you just did in there.” I look her straight in the eyes. “Promise me that if it becomes too much, you’ll come to me. You don’t have to deal with this on your own. You’re not alone.”
Slowly, she nods her head. A tear slips down her cheek. “I-I promise.”
Nodding, I lean down and press another kiss against her temple. “Good. I can’t lose you too, Smalls. I just…” I shake my head. “Can’t.”
Wiping her tears, I pull the covers up and tuck her in like she’s a little girl once again. “I’m here now, you sleep tight.”
She snuggles closer to me, locking her fingers in mine tightly.
“Stay with me?” she whispers. “Just until I fall asleep?”
“Anything,” I promise. And it’s a promise I plan to keep.
“Night, Nix.”
Her eyelids fall shut, heavy with sleep, but the grip of her hand on mine stays unwavering. I watch her as she drifts off, her chest rising and falling steadily. With my free hand I keep smoothing her hair.
She could have died tonight.
Tears start falling once again, and this time I don’t bother hiding them. Not when I’m sitting all alone with a sleeping Jade by my side.
I’m not sure how long I stay like that, just crying silently. Mourning the loss of the best woman that ever walked this earth. Mourning the loss of everything that could have been but will never happen because she was taken way too soon. Crying because my sister is hurting so bad she would contemplate taking her own life, and I don’t know what the hell to do about it.
Only once the tears dry up, and I’m sure Jade won’t awaken, do I get up. Placing one last kiss on top of her head, I pull the covers tighter around her before turning around.
I don’t bother turning off the lights, but this time when I leave, I don’t close the door either.
Chapter Thirty-Six
YASMIN
“I think this is the last of it,” Maddox says as he puts a stack of dirty plates on the counter.
“Thank you,” I say, offering him a small smile. He blushes, nods, and goes back out of the kitchen.
There was a reception at the house after the funeral was over, and both Callie and I did our best to help out as much as possible. Picking up dirty dishes, restocking the trays with food, cleaning up, that sort of thing. Anything to help carry the burden for Nixon and Jade.
“I think the crowd is finally leaving,” Callie whispers, bringing a tray filled with glasses.
“It’s about damn time.”
“I know,” Callie says, shaking her head as she leans against the kitchen counter. “This was the hardest part for me. All I wanted to do was be left alone so I could grieve, but there were all these people there that I had to entertain instead.”
If anybody can understand how Nixon is feeling, it’s Callie. Both of them have lost their parents too early, her to an accident, him to cancer. It isn’t fair, but I know all too well that life rarely is.
Picking up the towel, Callie takes one of the pans I washed by hand and starts drying it. Together we work in silence.
“How is he doing?” Callie asks a while later, breaking the quiet.
“Not really sure.” I shrug, feeling helpless.
I want to help him, I want to take away his pain, but I’m not sure I’m the right person to do so.
Maybe Callie should be the one to try to talk to Nixon, to Jade. After all, they have experienced the same grief, something I can’t even imagine. Don’t want to imagine. Losing my mom, my only living family, would crush me. But not just that, it would leave me utterly alone.
Not completely, a little voice reminds me, but I push it back.
“Maybe if you talk to him, it would help.”
“Maybe.” Callie nods, her sharp blue eyes meeting mine. “But I’m not the person he needs. The person he wants.”
The light shines through the kitchen window, saving me from having to say anything. When I turn around, I find Nixon standing on the porch, his hands gripping the railing.
“Go to him, I’ve got this.”
Not needing to be told twice, I dry my hands and go out to join him.
“Hey,” I say as I step onto the back porch. My appearance triggers the sensors, turning on the light, and I see Nixon standing against the fence.
He