Daddy is different than the way I love you. Okay?”
“I guess.”
The kid was breaking my heart. She was confused over what pregnancy and parenting meant. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to tell her that sometimes real parents sucked and sometimes stepparents sucked too. At the same time, sometimes real parents were great and sometimes stepparents were great too.
“Trust me, Lucy. You’re my daughter. You’re my little girl. I love you with so much of my heart, it’s kind of crazy. And when the new baby comes, I’m going to love that baby with all my heart too. But… there’s such a special place for you in my heart. You made us a family, Lucy. You convinced me to stay here. I think your Daddy is a big weirdo. But I love you.”
Lucy giggled. “Daddy is totally a weirdo. Remember when he got mad that we messed up his batteries?”
“Oh, that was fun,” Olivia laughed.
“That was not fun,” Tyler said. “I had the batteries in order of size. So I could keep track so we never run out.”
“You organize batteries?” Crosby asked. “You’re so much like Dad.”
“Hey, Olivia,” Lucy whispered loudly. “Can we mess up Daddy’s screws and nails too?”
“Definitely,” Olivia said.
Lucy threw her arms around Olivia’s neck.
Olivia looked at Mila as her eyes filled with tears.
She gave two thumbs up to Olivia.
Then Mila looked at me.
Everything about family always felt messy.
That was the point of family.
To be one giant mess and yet find a way to sit at a table and have something to eat without trying to kill one another.
It was really special to witness it from the outside.
Mila grabbed my hand and squeezed.
Then again, maybe I wasn’t on the outside as much as I thought.
Dinner was perfect, as always. The conversation went from funny to serious, sad to funny, then Crosby making a comment about a horse - by accident - which set Edith and Thomas off on each other again until Zeke threw a dinner roll at Thomas and told him to shut the hell up.
I thought for a second an actual food fight was going to break out, but it didn’t.
At some point, Crosby and I were the first to stand and I volunteered to do the dishes. Tyler joined in and the three of us tackled the kitchen.
After cleaning up, I helped myself to a beer and walked out front to catch my breath.
I didn’t make it out on the porch before I heard the sound of someone crying.
I looked and at first I didn’t know who it was.
My heart told me it was Mila, but she was at the table with Olivia.
They were each on their second helping of brownies.
I turned the corner and found Theresa in a chair, with a tissue in her right hand.
She looked at me and gasped. “Silas.”
She hurried to dab her eyes.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. Sorry.”
“For what?”
“I just needed a minute.”
“Want company?”
“Sure,” she said.
She pointed to the chair next to her.
“Is that where Hank used to sit?” I asked.
Theresa nodded.
I walked to the chair and hit my beer bottle to the arm.
Then I backed up and leaned against the railing.
Theresa smiled.
“I appreciate the guy,” I said. “For making the woman I love. You know, it’s a little weird never meeting someone and wanting to impress them so much.”
“Hank would have taken to you in a second, Silas. I know it. I would have pulled away and he would have pulled me back in.”
“I’m glad we figured it out on our own though, right?”
“True.” She sighed. “I just got hit with emotions in there. Seeing everyone together. Lucy…”
“Oh, she’s something. She almost had me in tears.”
“I hate the way things happened for her.”
“I know you do. She’s lucky though.”
“You understand. You had a step-parent.”
“And it was bad. Olivia is an amazing woman.”
“That she is. You know, I’m not sure what you know, Silas, but Hank and I lost a baby. Her name was Lily. I still can’t believe we kept going after that. And then Tyler… he went through it too.”
I nodded. “That’s so sad. So tragic.”
“It is,” Theresa said. “And it feels…”
She looked down.
“Damn,” I said. “It feels the same, doesn’t it? You’re so excited and happy for Olivia and Mila. Yet at the same time you have those terrible memories.”
Theresa nodded.
I stepped forward and crouched down. “Let me guess, you had big dinners when Lucy’s mother was pregnant.”
“All the time,” Theresa said. “We tried so hard with Kate. That’s Lucy’s mother. It was just so hard to get