wait a minute . . . five."
"Are you married now?"
He shook his head. "I'm done with marriage. Had a prostate operation last year. Used to be, women married me for my balls and my money. Now they'd just marry me for my money." He shook his head. "It's not enough. You've gotta have standards, you know?"
I stopped at the store, and he jumped out of the car. "Don't go away. I'll be right back."
Part of me wanted to flee the scene. That was the cowardly part. And part of me wanted to go Yippee! That was the stupid part.
In two minutes he was back in the car, lighting up.
"Hey," I said, "no smoking in the car."
"I'll give you another twenty."
"I don't want the first twenty. And the answer is no. No smoking in the car."
"I hate this country. Nobody knows how to live. Everybody drinks fucking skim milk." He pointed to the cross street. "Turn up there and take Shoreline Avenue."
"Where are we going?"
"I know this bar."
Just what I need, to have Hannibal come out looking for his father and find me buddy-buddy with him in a bar. "I don't think this is such a good idea."
"You gonna let me smoke in the car?"
"No."
"Then we're going to Sal's."
"Okay, I'll drive you to Sal's, but I'm not going in."
"Sure, you're going in."
"But my dog . . ."
"The dog can come, too. I'll buy him a beer and a sandwich."
Sal's was small and dark. The bar stretched the length of the room. Two old men sat at the end of the bar, silently drinking, watching the television. Three empty tables were clustered to the right of the door. Ramos sat at one of the tables.
Without asking, the bartender brought Ramos a bottle of ouzo and two shot glasses. Nothing was said. Ramos drank a shot; then he lit up and dragged the smoke deep into his lungs. "Ahh," he said on the exhale.
Sometimes I envy people who smoke. They always look so happy when they suck in that first lungful of tar. I can't think of many things that make me that happy. Maybe birthday cake.
Ramos poured himself a second shot and tipped the bottle in my direction.
"No thanks," I said. "I'm driving."
He shook his head. "Sissy country." He knocked the second shot back. "Don't get me wrong. I like some things okay. I like big American cars. And I like American football. And I like American women with big tits."
Oh, boy.
"Do you flag people down a lot?" I asked him.
"Every chance I get."
"Don't you think that's dangerous? Suppose you get picked up by a nut?"
He pulled a .22 out of his pocket. "I'd shoot him." He laid the gun on the table, closed his eyes, and sucked in more smoke. "You live around here?"
"No. I just come down once in a while to walk my dog. He likes to walk on the beach."
"What's with the Band-Aid on your chin?"
"I cut myself shaving."
He dropped a twenty on the table and stood. "Cut yourself shaving. I like that. You're okay. You can take me home now."
I dropped him off a block from his house.
"Come back tomorrow," he said. "Same time. Maybe I'll hire you on as my personal chauffeur."
GRANDMA WAS SETTING the dinner table when Bob and I got home. The Mooner was slouched on the couch, watching TV.
"Hey," he said, "how's it going?"
"Can't complain," I said. "How's it going with you?"
"I don't know, dude. It's just hard to believe there's no more Dealer. I thought the Dealer'd be around forever. I mean, he was doing a service. He was the Dealer." He shook his head. "It rocks my world, dude."
"He needs to have another brewski and chill some more," Grandma said. "And then we'll all have a nice dinner. I always like when there's company for dinner. Especially when it's a man."
I wasn't sure Mooner counted as a man. Mooner was sort of like Peter Pan on pot. Mooner spent a lot of time in never-never land.
Bob ambled out of the kitchen over to Mooner and gave his crotch a big sniff.
"Hey dude," Mooner said, "not on the first date, man."
"I bought myself a car today," Grandma said. "And the Mooner drove it over here for me."
I felt my mouth drop open. "But you already have a car. You have Uncle Sandor's Buick."
"That's true. And don't get me wrong, I think it's a pip of a car. I just decided it didn't fit my new image. I thought I should get something