loving him. That thought made me sick to my stomach. Faith would grow up an only child of a single mother, who never taught her how to love a man or be loved by one. She’d grow up without a family. It would always be just her and me.
I hadn’t even exited my car when the front door opened and Tank the giant German Shepherd that Jameson should’ve named Giganto—the dog was that big—came barreling across the yard, Faith’s little legs trying but failing to keep up.
“Mom!” Faith shouted. “Auntie Kennedy’s baby kicked. And I felt it.”
The “auntie” designation was new and I wished with all my heart that I could find joy in my daughter’s closeness with these women. But all it did was grind me to dust. I was going to selfishly yank her away from the first healthy family she’d ever had.
Good God, I’m a horrible mother.
“You did?” Faith came to a skidding halt in front of me, Tank danced around, his tail thumping my thigh with such force I’d be surprised if I didn’t have a bruise. “I see you, Tank.” I reached down and gave his soft fur a rub.
“Can we get a Tank?”
“No, sweets, we live in an apartment.”
“Then can you have a baby in your belly so I can feel it kick all the time?”
Dagger to the heart.
“Nope. I already have my best girl. No more babies for mommy.”
“But you can have a baby in an apartment.”
Good Lord, twist the knife.
“You sure can. But lucky for you, Kennedy already has one in her belly so you can feel hers kick.”
“I guess you’re right.” Faith’s lips twisted but she dropped the subject.
“Hey. How’d it go with L-I-double-Z-A?” Kennedy asked as she made her way to my car.
“About like I assumed it would go. She wanted to triple-check that her fifteen-year-old would have the premiere party of the decade. I shouldn’t complain; between my fee and my commission, I’m making a fortune on this party. But it feels so wasteful to spend all that money on one day. It works out to being a little over ten thousand dollars an hour.”
Money I certainly needed since I was moving again.
“My whole wedding didn’t cost ten thousand dollars.”
Neither did mine, but I wasn’t going to comment. “That’s ’cause you’re smart. I hope little miss was well-behaved.”
“Pal-leeze. You know she’s always a doll. The bread she made is in the oven and she entertained Tank while Jameson put together baby furniture.”
As if Kennedy’s words summoned her husband, Jameson came out onto the porch, and when his gaze settled on Faith chasing Tank, his whole face softened.
This was a new look for Jameson. In all the years I was with Holden, the one adjective I never would’ve thought to use when describing Jameson was gentle. He’d always been surly, broody, grumpy, and that was how he behaved around friends. If the man didn’t like you, watch out, he could be downright menacing. I was happy to see that whatever had weighed him down had been lifted. Kennedy was a sweetheart. I loved that Jameson had found himself a good woman.
All of them had.
And one day Holden would, too.
On that thought, I shivered, and it had nothing to do with the bite of the December chill. No, it was pure bitterness. Holden would move on and I’d stay in the vicious, unending triangle I’d created.
“Is there a reason you’re standing out in the cold?” Jameson boomed.
Kennedy rolled her eyes and shook her head before she called back to her husband. “It’s not that cold.” It was indeed that cold and the puff of vapor proved it. “I know everyone thought I was weird waiting so long to announce I was pregnant, but I knew this would happen. He just can’t help himself; it’s like his protective instincts have kicked into overdrive.”
I wish I knew how that felt. Someone loving you and their unborn child so much they’d worry about something as small as you being cold. Sure, Paul had loved Faith, or maybe loved the idea of having a daughter. Everyone who knew him called him a good dad, but that was purely because he told anyone who would listen how excited he was about having a child. There was no doubt he would’ve spoiled and loved Faith. He understood what dysfunction looked like—his family was horrible and he was eager to start his own and give his child everything he never had.
But that never happened.
Now I was left alone