do you understand? You couldn’t have changed what happened to Zach. No one could.” I shake my head in denial, before burying my face into his hard chest.
I want to scream at him, ‘that doesn’t make it right’, but when I pull away from him and look at the softness in his eyes, I know that he’s only trying to make me see the truth. I couldn’t save him, just like I couldn’t save my mother. Just like my father couldn’t save her.
“Lilly, you can’t save people from themselves. I know that. So much better than most people. But you try. And you never stop. You’re a good person. Even if he’s gone,” I let out a small sob and try to pull away, but Joseph holds my chin firmly in his grasp, “even if he’s gone, you can still help others. I’m sure you have. Even if you don’t know it.” He grips my chin and forces me to look into his eyes. The intensity that he gazes at me with, actually stops my sobs and dries my tears. “I know you have”
I feel like shit. My heart is hurting. But I can’t deny the power he has over me. I shake my head, not fully believing him.
His next words steal the air for my lungs. “You’ve helped me.” He loosens his grip on me, to brush the hair from my face, “more than you’ll ever know.
I stare up into his eyes, and I see something I’ve never seen before, something so powerful that it makes me weak in the knees. Something that I’m not sure that I’m seeing because it’s truly there, or because I want it to be there.
That must be it. I’m only imagining the love I see reflected in his eyes.
Chapter 26
Joseph
I thought it was her that was playing a game when we started this. But it’s more more clear to me now that I was the one playing. The bottle of whiskey is empty. I keep bringing it to my lips, forgetting that it’s gone, having nothing to take this pain away.
There’s life beyond the hollow shell I’ve been living in. There’s a reason to fight, there’s a reason to feel. Lilly’s shown me that. My heart hurts for her. I wish I could give her something to take the pain away. But nothing can soothe grief. I know that all too well.
Over the last few days, she hasn’t been herself. I told her she’s blaming herself for something she couldn’t control. It’s something no one can control. But she doesn’t want to believe that.
I’ll show her with time. I’ll help her however I can. I just want her to be happy again.
Knock. Knock. Two soft knocks from the front entry distract me from my thoughts.
I’ve ordered her a new laptop. I put the bottle down on the end table and quickly make my way to the door. I’m eager to get her something that will make her smile. She’s been burying herself in her writing. I’m hoping this will make her happy. Even if only for a moment.
When I open the door without checking, my heart stops. I hate myself this very second. I should have known better. Fool! I’m a fucking fool for letting my guard down.
I stare down the barrel of two guns, men I don’t recognize, but I know who sent them. I stand there numb on the surface, but internally I’m screaming. How could I be so fucking stupid. I don’t have a gun. I have nothing! And Lilly’s upstairs. Vulnerable. It’s my fault.
“What do you want?” I ask without giving in to the fear and reflecting it in my voice. My hand grips the door. keeping me upright; as though without it, I’d fall.
Lilly. She’s all I can think about. I start to walk outside, my hand closing the door behind me, but they step forward, crowding my space. I need to get them away from here. As far away from Lilly as I can.
“We can discuss this somewhere else,” I say easily, as they ignore me and continue walking forward, pushing me back into my foyer. The one closes the front door and locks it. I start thinking about where every gun I have in this house is located. I have them stashed away in every room. My eyes dart to the corner of the foyer, it’s behind these two assholes, I won’t be able to get to the gun in the closet. There are two in