it. She knows she’s lying and it breaks my heart.
“I didn’t have much of a choice.” I know I had one, but it was kill or be killed. For the first time in a long time, she lays gently against my chest. Her small hand rubs circles over my heart. I miss her comforting touch.
“Would you like to read it?” The offer spills from my lips in an attempt to tell her what I had been through and explain without having to actually tell her. I don’t want to recount it all over again. I put it into this journal so I can forget. But maybe if she knows everything, how I left and why, she can forgive me.
She doesn’t hesitate to nod, the word slipping between her lips, “yes.” The eagerness and her response makes me smile.
“This is different from what I thought it would be,” she says softly. The way she speaks, makes it seem as though what she’s telling me is a secret.
“It is for me too.” I have to agree, this isn’t at all what I had in mind when I first laid eyes on Lilly.
I wasn’t lying when I said the games changed.
“How is it different for you?” She asks playing at the hem of her dress. I suppose I’ll have to go first before she’ll tell me what she was thinking.
“That the master-slave relationship is only for short spurts. I’m not stupid, Lilly. I don’t control you. But I don’t want to either.” I want something different from her now. More than just acceptance as her master. More than forgiveness. Although I’m not sure what.
She looks a little bit upset and hesitant. I wish she’d just forgive me. I want to put her at ease. That’s all I’ve been trying to do for the past week.
“I’m sorry, I’ve been…” Lilly’s voice trails off. “I knew you … I knew you had …” She looks away, unable to finish.
“It’s in my past. I promise you.” I just need her to believe it. I know she doesn’t want to fight me anymore. “I’m not the man I once was.” She must know it’s true. She knows me better than anyone ever has.
Her nod is small, but accepting. I can see it in her eyes that she believes me.
“Where does that leave us? Both of us thinking this was something it’s not … and you… figuring,” she waves her hand in the air, shifting in my lap.
I cup her small chin in my hand, tilting those soft lips closer to mine, “it just means that sometimes will play and sometimes we’ll just be us.”
She looks up at me and asks, “and what is that?”
I don’t know how to answer her, So I’m quiet.
“Even if we aren’t playing, you still need to treat me as though I’m your master.” Although it’s a statement, it feels as though I’m asking her a question. I feel wrong for telling her that since all this time we’ve nearly been playing scenes. But I know what she’s about to read. And I don’t want her to think any differently of me. I am her Master and it should stay that way. Regardless of what she reads. Regardless of how well she gets to know me.
“Yes, sir.”
“Hold still my flower,” I tell Lilly as her back rests against the wall. “Hands at your side,” I say as I push her palms against her thighs. She’s naked before me, finally obeying me again. It feels as though we’re playing house. Like this is all pretend. We’re ignoring what lies beyond these walls. My familia, the fact that she can’t leave. Pretending to be blind to what’s meant to keep us apart.
I get on my hands and knees, putting my face between her thighs and inhaling her sweet scent. Judging by her gasp, she didn’t expect it. I smile against her heat before taking a languid lick and pulling back to look her in the eyes..
“Ride my face, Lilly,” I tell her, noting how her eyes widened as she comprehends my words. “Take your pleasure from me. Cum freely.”
I place my hands on the inside of her knees, allowing her legs to bend slightly. She rocks helplessly into my face, hesitant at first. But I groan with approval, her hips grind harder and soft moans spill from her lips.
So long as she obeys me, I give her everything she wants. Every pleasure, every need. I just need her to obey me. I need her to