kiss, whispering, “Thank you.” I didn’t realize how much I was missing by avoiding my family. How much happiness was still here, waiting for me? How much love was here?
I look back over to Isaac as he chuckles at something my dad says and my heart does a backflip as the strongest feeling that I’ve ever felt surges through me. It frightens me. And it can’t be what I think it is. Isaac is my Master, not my boyfriend. And only for less than thirty days. I need to remember that. I can’t be falling for him. How could I? It’s too fast.
But as I watch him laugh at my father’s joke, I know I’m lying to myself.
Chapter 25
Isaac
The little box is sitting on the edge of the outdoor coffee table. Taunting me. I should know better than to give her a gift and create expectations. I didn’t go out of my way to gift her something for Christmas. After all, I provide her with everything she wants or needs on a daily basis. But it hasn’t been sitting right with me.
I want to spoil her. I want my kitten to be nothing but happy.
The silver wrapping paper is folded perfectly; the edges of the box are sharp with a white ribbon tied neatly on top. It’s picture perfect, and inside is something I think she’ll love.
A bracelet, or an anklet if she’d like. It’s from Pandora, and customizable with trinkets on it. The first is a yellow topaz charm surrounded by small diamonds, for the month of November. It signifies the first time I ever saw her. A little silver dog is the second one I picked, and was the easiest to decide on. She’s told me a few times about Roxy, her dog, passing and I’m hoping this will give her happiness to see it dangling from the bracelet. I picked out a cat as well. I’ll have to tell her it’s because of her nickname, Katy cat. Not that there’s a difference between a cat and a kitten on these little charms, but still. There’s a difference to me.
Then there’s a Merry Christmas bauble for the holiday we shared together, and a New Year’s charm with champagne glasses and the year for tonight. A turquoise charm for the month of December, when she finally became mine.
The last one is a silver heart with “kitten” engraved on it. It looks like a tag that would hang from a collar. Even though she hasn’t yet told me she’s ready for a collar, I want her to have it.
I wouldn’t give her a collar with that anklet still on her. I don’t know why it bothers me so much, but it does. I won’t allow her to wear my collar while she has that anklet on. Simply because of what it symbolizes. He still has a part of her, and I want all of her. We’re halfway through this arrangement already. But we can always renew the contract.
A bit of insecurity weighs down on my chest, making it feel tight and uncomfortable as I light the last candle in the enclosed patio.
The glass enclosure all opens to the outside, as though they’re extravagant windows, but it’s far too cold to open them in December. But with the candles lining the room and the stars lighting the night, it’s gorgeous out here.
I have the large flat screen TV on with the ball drop from the New Year’s countdown on, although it’s muted.
It’s… romantic. Which isn’t my normal scene.
But for her, I wanted to give her something. She’ll never know what spending Christmas with her family did for me. It wasn’t a selfish act. It was all for her, but in the process, something switched and I owe her this.
Being with her family only showed me how different we really are.
And how much is available to her.
The lies flowed so easily for me as I tried to blend in. They couldn’t know who I really was. They’d never understand. But it was nice to fake it, at least for a little while. It was a real pleasure to feel a sense of family.
She has a collection of people who love her, and who want to be loved by her in return. They’ll be there for her when I’m gone. When I send her away. I’ll have to. I can never truly fit in with her family.
Lying about us only emphasizes that fact.
“You know all you do is make me sick.” My mom