you to get laid and nothing else." Her fingertips danced over my chest. "I'd get what I want and then leave."
"Oh." I ran my fingers down her spine, feeling each of the bumps on her back. "You don't do that to anyone."
"No." She grinned up at me and tapped a finger to my nose. "You're stuck with me."
I pulled her closer until she was flush to me with a leg over mine. "I can think of far worse places to be stuck." I was in one for over twenty years.
No, I wouldn’t let my mind go there tonight. At some point I would tell her, but not now. That long, miserable part of my life almost didn't seem real compared to this. In a single lifetime I'd somehow felt the deepest despair, and also the greatest joy I’d ever known—which was right now, and every moment with her.
It felt impossible for this woman, nestled in my arms and kissing me, to exist in the same universe as the ones who had carved into me like an animal. My brain still had to process that lips and hands were running tenderly over the same places I had bled for simply being born male. Mari was kissing my shoulder now, lips tracing years-old scars with the occasional soft lick from her tongue.
"I'm going to kiss all of these." Her smile was warm on my skin. "Just so you're aware."
"Huh,” I mused. “You'll be here a long time."
She settled against my side, cheek resting over my heart. “That’s the plan, Shadow.”
I caressed a hand over her cheek, just taking in the face of this beautiful woman who saw something in me that she was determined to care for. “You really want me to be yours?”
“You are mine,” she corrected. “If I have to suck your dick again to prove it, so be it.”
“I thought you were going to do that anyway.”
“I’ll leave a hickey on your dick. There, double proving it.”
I laughed, nudging my nose against hers. “I do like it when you mark me up with hickeys. It feels like you’re claiming me.”
“Then I’ll keep doing it.” Her eyelids blinked slowly, heavy with sleepiness as her palm settled over my chest. “I like seeing you happy, Shadow.”
Stretching one arm over to the nightstand, I turned off the bedside lamp before returning my arm to wrap around her protectively.
“I’m happy because of you,” I whispered, now that we were bathed in darkness. “I never thought it was possible but it feels like…you’re healing me.”
Mari curled into me, releasing a sigh as she settled against my body for sleep. “You deserve it.”
As her breathing deepened and my own eyelids fell shut with fatigue, I wanted so badly to believe her.
TRIGGER WARNING
Triggering content begins here. Skip to Chapter 25 if you are sensitive to incidents of assault and injury.
Twenty-Three
MARIPOSA
A loud noise jolted me awake.
I had been so deeply asleep, I was only vaguely aware of the noises in the room until the bed lifted and I was suddenly rolling toward the opposite side. The whole world spun like I was in a hamster wheel until coming to a sudden, hard stop.
“What the—fuck, ow!”
Well, now I was awake. And, once I got my bearings, realized I was on the floor between the wall and the upturned bed.
Huh?
I knew where I was, but still couldn’t make sense of anything. The room was completely dark. It had to be the middle of the night or very early morning. Was it an earthquake?
It wasn’t until I heard the heavy footsteps pacing around the room, the pained groans, and the fists thumping at walls and whatever furniture was in the way, that started to clue me in.
Oh no.
“Shadow?” I called, my voice weak and timid.
No answer came except for more pacing, more thumps and bangs with the occasional whimper mixed in. I scooted along the floor, daring to peek around the upturned bedframe and mattress to look. What I saw broke my heart.
Shadow paced back and forth in the center of the room, no bigger than a six-by-six foot square, scratching at his arms as he whimpered and muttered to himself. He stopped abruptly to clutch at his head and release a pained cry into his hands. Then he swung his arms, catching the nearby chair and flinging it at the wall with a moan of pain I felt split my heart wide open.
My panicked gaze swept across the floor littered with his things. It was so dark, I could