met before." I let out a sheepish laugh, bringing a palm to my face. "I don't know if I'm making any sense, but I haven't had to do that in a long time and it was exhausting."
"I think I know what you mean." Shadow moved closer to me, close enough to touch but his arms stayed frustratingly at his sides. "I felt like that at the governor's dinner. It was why I dipped out early. Socializing feels like a performance sometimes and it's draining."
"Yes, that's exactly it." I turned to him, wanting to slide my arms around his tapered waist and rest my head on that solid chest. "Reaper's parents are lovely, and I enjoyed meeting them. It was just a big morning and I need to unwind from it all."
Shadow tilted his head slightly, like he was pondering something. "Do you want me to leave you alone?"
"No." I shook my head unashamedly. "I don't."
His face brightened as he reached for me, a tentative touch on my waist that I happily leaned into until his whole palm rested on my side. My hand came to his wrist, stroking lightly up his scarred forearm. His small smile was warm, eyes downcast and shy.
"Do you want to go for a ride?" He leaned down, lips brushing my forehead. "I promise I won't talk much."
I looked up grinning, swimming in the elation of how light and easy things were between us.
"I'd love that," I said, reaching up on tiptoes for a kiss. "And you can talk to me however little or much you like. I never feel exhausted from you."
His mouth pressed indulgently to mine, sensual even as he pulled away, lips hovering. "Same here," he purred. The hand on my waist squeezed gently. "Let me grab a quick shower first."
I will if you let me come in there with you.
Rather than say that, I bit my tongue and reluctantly stepped out of his touch. "Okay, I'll change into riding gear."
As we made for our separate rooms, I wondered how many cold showers I'd need to stop becoming a drooling, panting mess around him.
No less than a hundred, to be sure.
I didn't ask Shadow where he was taking us, nor did he opt to tell me. I wanted to be surprised by the place he chose, without any expectations. This time I sat behind him as we rode out of the city, hugging around his chest as Four Corners' construction projects gave way to wilderness.
The environment out here couldn't seem to decide if it wanted to be desert or forest. Copses of evergreen trees contrasted against bright red and orange sedimentary rock. We were in that in-between area between the Southwest and what was once middle America. I was too young to really know what different parts of the United States were like, back when things were better. All I'd ever known was a culture conflict and ever-increasing tension.
The majestic mountains of Colorado and breathtaking coastline of the Pacific Northwest sounded like bygone fairy tales, as did the party beaches in Florida and rich history of the eastern seaboard.
For better or worse, we were making new history. One that I hoped places like Four Corners would remain a stronghold of, a place to tell the story of Reaper's parents and countless others who escaped unthinkable situations.
Like Shadow.
I rested my cheek on his back patch, squeezing tighter around him while my other hand idly stroked his chest. He still hadn't told me the full extent of what happened to him, the source of the scars lingering on his body and his mind. The biggest clues I got were how he regressed when I tried to cut the arrows from his back after our Blakeworth mission. It broke my heart seeing him so afraid, and knowing some people out there got away with treating him so cruelly.
Curious as I was, I'd never put my own desire for that knowledge above his comfort with me. The most effective way to treat an injury started with knowing what caused it in the first place. If that knowledge wasn't available, I had to do the best I could with what I did know.
Shadow thrived with openness and acceptance. He sought affection and care when he felt safe and not afraid of being judged or punished. I might not have known all the details of his trauma, but I knew enough to foster his healing. I knew not to hold blades near him, and that kissing and touching him