with other people. That I might be able to have a new future. Not just have my wife back. Not just have my daughter back.”
He took a sharp breath. “This whole idea of moving forward... It’s painful as hell. And I don’t know what it means. I feel disloyal. To be honest with you, I don’t feel perfectly healed, perfectly put together. I feel a little more broken, in fact, than I did the day before. Like making a change rebroke a bone that had healed...badly and now I have to heal a different way. But I care for you. A whole lot. You are something all your own, Iris Daniels, and I’m captivated by you.”
She didn’t know what to say to that. She felt overwhelmed, tears filling her eyes, she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know what she wanted to say.
She didn’t know what she wanted to feel.
“Griffin...”
“You don’t need to say anything. I’m not asking for anything. I’m not sure what I’m offering either. I’m a little bit messed up, and just trying to deal with all this in the most honest way possible. I don’t want to go back to the mountain. I want to stay with you. For now, I want to stay with you.”
“I see.”
“Do you?”
She blinked, her chest feeling sore. “I don’t know, I... What about Mel?”
“Mel is gone,” he said.
She nodded. “Yes. You love her, though. She was your wife. I’m...not.”
He nodded slowly. “I’ll always love her.”
“You should.”
“She was my first love. But she isn’t here now.” His voice was rough and heavy with regret and it hurt. And it was foolish to feel hurt by it.
But she envied that woman, which was the least fair thing. Mel wasn’t here anymore. But she knew the man he’d been. The one she’d seen bits and pieces of when he smiled with her family.
He’d put a suit on for her and married her.
You weren’t supposed to do this...
She wasn’t doing this. She wasn’t.
It was just she cared so much, but she knew this wasn’t forever. She was okay with that.
“I need you.”
That word fed something inside of her. That word suddenly grounded her to the spot. She looked at him, at his beautiful, lined face. At the brokenness she saw there.
He’d said he didn’t have it all figured out, but that he wanted her. And she could help. She could do something for him. Fix him. Be what he needed. For the time he needed it.
But she realized when she’d seen him today that she couldn’t quite imagine a situation where she’d be happy without Griffin in her life. Couldn’t pretend that she was going to walk away from it unscathed. Why shouldn’t she take what he was offering? A chance to be together. A chance for her to help him heal, just like they’d been talking about before. But maybe this would be a little bit longer. With him around a little more.
As long as she knew what it was, it would be okay, wouldn’t it?
She’d given her sisters such a convincing story earlier but when she looked at him it burned, and...and she wouldn’t get confused. If she was happy helping, it was okay that it wasn’t love.
He loved his wife. He’d loved her first.
Iris would love her bakery and care for him.
It was okay.
“I want to be with you,” she said.
“Good,” he responded.
“What does that look like?”
“I suspect we’ll figure it out as we go. Though, still, your place is a bit more practical than mine.”
“Yes.”
“You won’t send me away at night again?”
“No,” she said. That scared her. Because it was compromising any distance she might have from him. And some distance had been comforting. A facade that maybe this wasn’t half so serious as it was becoming.
“I don’t really have much to bring down. Except some food from the ice chest.”
“You might as well leave it. If you’re going to be working on the house.”
“Yeah. True enough.” He shook his head. “I didn’t want to ask you to work through this with me.”
“I don’t mind. Griffin, whatever you need, I can be there for you. I can... I can take care of you. I can.” And if it all felt really similar to another time, to another moment, and it made her feel a little bit afraid, she didn’t let it sink in. Didn’t let it show.
She got out the little bottle of iced coffee and took a sip. And then she just sat with him, in silence, everything