rather you not have any more pain. I love you, Mila. I would have loved you that night if my heart wasn’t already taken. But when I found you again on the mountain, I fell harder than I’ve ever fallen. I used you and don’t deserve your forgiveness. After Abri, I didn’t think I could love again. That I could trust someone again. But you changed that. And regardless of what you want next, know I will love you forever pretty girl.”
Knight destroyed my heart, and I don’t know if I have enough left to love him with. Just like his story that night, he shattered my heart into tiny pieces, and it will take both of us to find all of the shards.
But I want to try again with Knight. Because he is the best and one of the worst things that ever happened to me. He’s had my heart since that night in the hospital. I tried to save him then, but he wouldn’t let me. He couldn’t see the danger coming. But maybe I can save him now.
22
Knight
I told Mila I love her.
I never thought I would be able to say those words again. After what happened, I didn’t think she would ever forgive me. Staying with Cole was never about getting Mila back. Sure, I thought maybe I’d get her to talk to me, eventually. But the words started spilling out of me. Words I’ve been holding back from everyone, even Cole. And Mila listened.
I thought she would run away or storm out. I thought it would take months of begging and pleading to get her to even sit at the same table as me. But that’s what makes Mila so special. She’s able to look past people’s flaws to find the beauty within. It’s a blessing and a curse. Because it makes her vulnerable. Bad people can take advantage of her forgiveness. She will let people in who don’t deserve to be let in.
If I wish for one thing in the world, it would be to protect her. That’s all I want.
But I’m getting more than the ability to protect her. I’m getting a second chance.
She forgives me. She remembers. I don’t want her to dive too far into that dark place. If she does, I’m not sure she’ll find her way back out. And I’m selfish; I want her all to myself.
I’m still holding her hand, but I don’t dare do more. I won’t push my luck. I want her completely. I want to feel a connection again I haven’t felt since we were in Aspen, but I don’t deserve it. Tonight, I’ll take her forgiveness and pray we can be more at some point.
Mila’s breathing is fast like she’s just ran a marathon and is about to pass out.
“Mila? Are you okay? Do you need water or something?”
She shakes her head, but she doesn’t look at me or say anything. She hasn’t spoken since I told her I love her.
“You don’t need to say I love you back. You don’t need to say anything back; I just needed you to know.”
Her long eyelashes flicker up as her gaze focuses on me. She pulls her hand away, and I reluctantly let my hands fall to my lap. She’s pulling away from me, and I have to let her go.
But then her small body turns to face me. Her hands tremble in her lap.
“Mila, please tell me what’s wrong. If you are remembering something bad, please let me in. Let me help you.”
She takes a deep breath in and out, and I sit on my hands to keep from touching her. Don’t push her away. She will come to you when she’s ready. For now, simply sit until she asks for help.
If she passes out from not breathing enough, I’m never going to stop touching her to make her better.
Her hand reaches out toward my hair. She gently takes a few strands between her fingers, pulling gently, as if she’s remembering my much longer hair before. Her fingers slip down to the side of my face. I want to close my eyes at how intense it feels for her to be touching me again, but I don’t. I don’t want to miss a thing with Mila. Because I’ll never know when it will be the last time she touches me like this.
Her eyes pierce through my pupils into my soul as she strokes my cheek. What she sees, I don’t know. But I implore my