or not, but I want to hurt Abri all the same for what she did to Mila.
I’ve never been so terrified. I’ve looked death in the face before. I’ve been helpless before, but this was different. Mila could have died because of me. That guilt would have never left me, and the pain of losing a woman I wanted, but who was never really mine, would have gutted me.
My body trembles, holding onto Mila, as the tears begin burning my eyes.
Mila wraps her arms tighter around my neck, and I grip her closer to my body.
“It’s okay. You saved me,” she whispers, but her voice is shaky.
“I’m never letting you go again.”
I see the tears in her eyes again. I was strong before when she cried, but I can’t be strong again. The reality of the situation has sunk in.
“Ace, I need you to talk to me,” Abri pleads, trying to grab my shoulder to turn my attention to her instead of Mila.
“Fuck off, Abri,” I say, carrying Mila toward my motorcycle.
I set Mila down gently on the back of my motorcycle and hand her a helmet. When she puts it on, I ensure it’s fastened securely. Then I kiss the tears on her cheek, even as my own tears stream down my face.
“Take me home, Knight.”
I feel a knot in my stomach and an ache in my throat as she says home. My place is her home. She has nothing else. No apartment, no dorm room. Only a rusted out Subaru to return to because of me.
I need to fix that, along with everything else I’ve fucked up in her life, but for now, I need to make her mine.
I climb on in front of her, and she wraps her hands tightly around my waist without protest. Then we are gone. I drive just fast enough to get us home quickly, but not enough to scare her. That’s the last thing I want.
We ride in silence, only the wind and sound of engines purring around us to keep us company. It doesn’t matter that we can’t speak. Our bodies say enough.
We are broken.
We are hurting.
Only the other person can heal us.
I pull in front of my building, not caring there isn’t a parking spot. I don’t wait for the valet to take my motorcycle. They will get it or they won’t. I have more than enough money to buy hundreds of motorcycles if I want. I don’t care if this one gets stolen.
All I care about is getting Mila, naked and writhing underneath me in my bed. I take her hand, a gesture that a couple of nights ago would have scared her off, but tonight is more than welcome.
I don’t know what has been going on in her head on the thirty-minute drive from the mountains to my building. I don’t know if she wants me. I don’t know if she wants to take a hot bath and be left alone. But I’m not sure I can leave her alone if that’s what she needs. It will take everything inside of me to leave her for even a moment.
It’s not about sex, although I’m desperate to be inside her. Feel her wet walls clenching around me as I make her come. Knowing that the pleasure I’m giving her helps ease the pain she’s feeling. I need her close by. I need to know she’s still breathing, her heart still beating. I need to protect her at all costs.
We enter the elevator with another couple. I grip her hand tighter, needing my lips on her, but afraid to scare her away. Neither of us has spoken since we got on the motorcycle.
Our eyes meet, and I see the desire mixed with the fear. I wish I could take away the fear, but I’m afraid it’s going to stay with her a lot longer than the desire ever will.
Mila moves her body in front of me, she grabs both of my arms and drapes them over her shoulders. I pull her body flush against mine as she leans into my body. It’s the most intimate thing we’ve done, and she’s sat half naked on my lap and kissed my stomach. But this moment is different. She’s letting me in even though she knows I can hurt her.
And I no longer want to hurt her.
The only way to not hurt her is to leave. Get out of her life. Because if I stay, she’s doomed.
I’m a selfish bastard though; I can’t