headed to one of the shoe stores of the mall. I felt so fucking stupid for making my way to that shop but I loved Sharon and I wanted to get her something she wanted. She said she wanted it to say something but I didn’t know what I was going to have it say. I wasn’t that damn creative.
As I rounded one of the corners, that’s when I saw her. She had on a pair of light blue skinny jeans, a white shirt that was knotted in the back, revealing her flat belly, and her blonde hair was in silky waves against her back. I was about to run up to her and twirl her in my arms but then a tall guy ran up to her side to catch up with her.
I wanted to pound his face in for draping his arm around her shoulder but when she started giggling and acting as if she’d known him for months—maybe even years—I backed off. She kept walking forward and I kept watching. She was . . . happy. Happier with him than she was with me.
I should have confronted her at that very moment. I should have kicked his ass and caused a scene just so she could be embarrassed, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I had to control myself and my temper.
A few weeks after I saw her with the other guy, we started to drift apart and I didn’t give one fuck about it. I knew what she was doing when she would tell me she had to leave early to study or that she was going to meet one of her friends somewhere. I knew she was lying to me and it was making shit worse. I don’t know why I was still with her—why I was still sticking around. I guess I just enjoyed the fact that she was an easy fix.
I thought she cared but she couldn’t have cared enough because she fucked with someone else while dating me. I figured I wasn’t enough for her so I decided to start going out with Mills and a few friends. We would get so wasted that I would forget about everything. I don’t blame myself for bringing random girls home and having sex with them. I don’t regret shit because Sharon fucked me over and she deserved every ounce of pain when she’d found out I had cheated on her as well. Once we’d figured out we were no match, we split and I never wanted to see her face again. I was lucky Mills found a job in Miami and wanted to get away from Mom and her boyfriend so I went with him. Miami was bad for me—someone who was only looking for quickies and one-night-stands—but I loved the feeling of being free.
I just knew, then, that I wouldn’t get serious with another girl until I was ready—until I wanted to trust again. I dated girls in Miami just to date them. I dated them because I was never in my right state of mind but when I met Natalie, looking at her caused something to flip inside of me. She was so innocent. So unique.
The first night I met her at the club, I admit she was hotter than hell and I wanted to fuck her brains out. I wanted to slam my dick into her so many times and then drop her off at wherever she lived without so much as a phone call the next day, but I couldn’t. When we went to the beach on the first night I’d met her, she told me that being with me was the most fun she’d had in weeks. She told me I was sweet . . . caring . . . different. She said she knew I was hiding something—that I was feeling some kind of pain and I asked her how she knew but she never explained because she was drunk and kept switching subjects. I wanted an answer so badly that night but I never got one.
That very night, I realized what I was doing was wrong. I had cheated so many times before—even before Sharon—but I was so immature. I only did it because I’d always dated girls who were hot and in the end would fuck me over. I could never figure out why I enjoyed the one night stands. I guess it was because with a one night stand, there are no feelings involved. You don’t