top, and a surge of melancholy engulfs her as she’s transported back to when she’d managed to blag her way into Zen’s nightclub wearing a crop top and pleated mini skirt, thinking her attempt at looking like Britney Spears as a schoolgirl was a good idea to try and pass as someone older. It had worked though, and with Justin being over eighteen, they’d happily drunk lager tops and vodka until the early hours before crashing at someone’s house whose parents were away.
As they move away from the bar with their drinks, Lauren feels Justin’s hand in the small of her back, guiding her, reassuring her. If she were with Simon, he’d either be stomping off in front of her or holding her arm territorially, as he pushed her to where he wanted to go.
‘Where would you like to sit?’ asks Justin.
‘Just over there,’ says Lauren, seeking out the quietest, darkest corner.
They sit down and look at each other for what feels like an interminable amount of time, as if disbelieving that they’re really here.
‘You haven’t changed one bit,’ says Justin eventually.
Lauren pictures the stretch marks streaking her stomach, the sagging breasts that he will remember being pert; both a testament to the three wonderful children she has denied exist. But it’s not just the physical changes Justin will be shocked by; it’ll be the parts of her he can’t see.
‘A lot has happened since,’ is all she says, before taking a long slug of her drink, desperate for the alcohol to numb her nerve endings.
‘Not a day has gone by when I haven’t thought about you,’ says Justin. ‘I’d tell myself, convince myself, that we were too young for it to ever work, but deep down I knew we were meant to be.’
‘You made the decision to end it,’ says Lauren quietly.
‘Only because that was clearly what you wanted,’ says Justin.
‘What I wanted?’ she says, a little too loudly.
‘Let’s not,’ says Justin, putting his hand on top of hers. ‘It all happened a long time ago, in another lifetime. Let’s concentrate on the future.’
‘But we’re different people now,’ says Lauren.
‘True, but who knows? Maybe we should be thankful for what we went through.’
‘Thankful?’ says Lauren.
‘Yes, because look where we ended up,’ says Justin enthusiastically. ‘Maybe we needed to go through all that we’ve been through, to go off and experience another life, to bring us back together again. It’s like starting over . . . we’ve been given a second chance.’
Lauren pictures Simon, Noah, Emmy and Jude, and thinks, If only you knew.
18
Kate
‘Kate!’ exclaims Rose, as she opens her front door. Kate has a key, but given what happened the last time she was here, it doesn’t feel appropriate to let herself in.
‘Mum,’ says Kate, nervously. ‘Look, I’m so sorry . . .’
‘What’s happened?’ says Rose, panic etched on her features. ‘Is it Lauren? Is she all right?’
‘Lauren?’ says Kate, confused. ‘What’s Lauren got to do with anything?’
Rose ushers her into the hall. ‘You were seeing her tonight – to sort things out. What happened?’
Kate shakes her head. ‘I was seeing Lauren? Since when?’
‘Well, that’s where she’s gone,’ says Rose, her voice high-pitched with rising panic. ‘She’s gone to meet you to talk about the whole mess with that girl and . . .’
It’s only then that Kate notices the brightly coloured paraphernalia that litters the hall carpet, leaving a trail into the front room. A sure sign that Lauren’s children are here.
‘Where’s Lauren now?’ she asks.
‘Out with you,’ shrills Rose.
‘But I was never meant to be meeting Lauren tonight,’ says Kate. ‘We haven’t spoken since I left here on Monday.’ She’d thought of calling her several times in the three days since, especially given the news that she was pregnant, but she and Matt had decided that they’d keep it to themselves, at least for a few weeks, or until they couldn’t hold it in anymore.
‘So where’s she gone then?’ asks Rose, her lips pursed in thought.
Kate shrugs her shoulders nonchalantly. ‘I don’t know, and anyway, I didn’t come here to talk about Lauren.’
Rose fixes her with a steely glare. ‘So, what did you come here for?’
Kate’s stomach turns as she wonders where she should start, the bravery she’d felt driving over here dissipating with every passing second.
‘I want to talk about Jess.’
Rose grimaces as if there’s a bad taste in her mouth. ‘I have nothing more to say.’
‘But we need to talk about it,’ says Kate. ‘Because if Lauren has her way, this isn’t going to go