the counter informed her that tens had been banned since 2017, she’d coughed awkwardly, asked for a pack of twenty and some chewing gum, and almost run out of the door, half expecting him to run after her. She’d felt like a teenager again as she inhaled her first drag, pulling it in deep to calm her nerves. Her heart had pumped blood around her body far quicker than was normal and every breath felt lodged in her chest, as if in anticipation of what might happen if she let it out. She didn’t want to admit it, but as uncomfortable as the sensation was, it had made her feel alive. Seeing Simon’s car parked up outside the house had sapped that feeling away again.
‘Do I?’ she says, recoiling from him.
‘Where have you been?’ he asks, as if the answer means nothing to him, yet she can tell by his demeanour that what she says next will dictate the atmosphere for the rest of the day.
‘Only over to Mum’s,’ she says as ambivalently as she can. She lifts her shirt to her nose and sniffs for effect. ‘Oh, but I did just stop off for petrol and there was a guy there smoking.’ As soon as the words are out of her mouth, she realizes how stupid they are.
If she was brave enough to look at him, she’d notice that his eyes have narrowed. ‘In a petrol station?’
‘No,’ she says, far too quickly. ‘I meant in the hand car wash next door.’
‘So, you got the car cleaned?’
It feels like she’s on the witness stand, facing a judge and jury. ‘Er, no, we waited in the queue for a while but gave up – it was taking too long.’
‘You shouldn’t take the kids in there.’
The lie is getting worse by the second and Lauren’s brain is banging against the side of her head as she attempts to stop it unravelling altogether. ‘We normally stay in the car,’ she says. ‘But I was hoping to get the inside cleaned as well, so we went to the waiting room.’
‘Well, I don’t want the kids there – it’s dirty and reeks of all kinds of shit. Now you smell like an old ashtray.’
If she’s going to fail at the first interrogation, when she’s done nothing wrong, how is she going to fare when she has? The thought of seeing Justin again makes her insides somersault. She looks away in case Simon can see it in her eyes.
‘Anyway, why are you home so early?’ she says, whilst thinking, today of all days.
‘Why do you think?’ he says, and Lauren’s heart sinks. Her eyes follow him into their tiny galley kitchen, where he opens the fridge and takes out a beer.
‘Have you been laid off?’ She just stops herself from saying, again.
‘Yep.’
‘What are you going to do?’ she asks.
‘I’ve asked around. Bill says he might have something for me towards the end of the week. I’m going to go down the pub in a bit – see if there’s anything knocking around down there.’
‘And if there isn’t?’ she asks, treading carefully.
‘Then I’m going to be around more than I usually am,’ he says tightly.
Not so long ago, back when she was working, the thought of them spending a day together excited her. They’d drive to Brighton and eat fish and chips on the promenade, the smell of vinegar and sea air taking her back to day trips with her parents. She’d contemplate their life together and lean into the husband she loved as they watched the waves crashing onto the pebble beach. But that was when they got on, when they were both working and bringing in money. Now, Lauren wonders if she lost his respect when she lost her salary.
‘Great!’ she says through gritted teeth. ‘Why don’t you go and starts the kids’ baths? You know Noah loves it when you do it.’
‘Yeah, I could do,’ he says, his expression beginning to soften, giving Lauren a rare glimpse of why she fell for him in the first place.
A ringing phone pierces the silence and Lauren looks to Simon, hoping that if she pretends not to hear it, he somehow won’t either.
‘Aren’t you going to get that?’ he asks.
Her blood feels like it’s stopped flowing and frozen inside her veins. Simon stands there watching her as she slowly reaches towards her bag. She hopes it’s her mother. She even hopes it might be Kate, because the alternative doesn’t bear thinking about. The unknown number flashes urgently