steady herself against the mirror-like glass of the building’s exterior. As she looks around, everything feels out of place, like she’s just landed from another universe. It’s as if she’s in a bottle and Jess’s distorted features are peering in, laughing and goading her.
‘I’m sorry, did she not tell you?’ asks Jess. ‘I assumed you would have spoken this morning.’
‘I need to go,’ says Kate, breathlessly, turning on her heels and heading back into the building. She’s grateful for the blast of cool air that hits her like a slap across the face, but she feels like Bambi on ice as she walks across the polished marble floor; her legs seemingly struggling to hold the rest of her body up.
She rushes from the lift onto the open-plan news and features floor. Her desk is, thankfully, a little removed from the main melee, nestled in a corner, overlooking Cabot Square twelve floors below. She grabs her phone and slings her leather bucket bag onto her shoulder.
‘I’ve got a lead I need to follow up,’ she calls out, to no one in particular. ‘I’m going to meet a source.’
There are murmurs of acknowledgement and a look of awe from Daisy.
Kate makes her way to the station, but as she’s about to go into the bowels of the London Underground, she stops to call Lauren, who picks it up on the first ring.
‘Hello?’ her sister says, tentatively.
Hearing her voice makes Kate want to climb down the telephone line and put her hands around her throat.
‘What the hell is going on?’ she almost shrieks. ‘Please tell me you know nothing more about this Jess girl than the rest of us do.’
There’s a deafening silence at the other end. ‘Lauren!’ barks Kate.
‘I’m with Mum,’ says Lauren quietly. ‘You’d better come over.’
9
Lauren
As soon as Lauren hears Kate’s key turning in the lock, she jumps up, wide-eyed, and starts chewing on the skin around her thumbnail.
Rose sits on the other side of the kitchen table, her face ashen, staring into space.
Lauren waits for the front door to shut, knowing that how it closes will offer a clue as to how mad Kate is. It bangs with such ferocity that it makes her shudder. This is going to be far worse than she could have ever imagined.
‘You’d better start talking,’ says Kate, coming in and throwing her handbag onto the table, ‘and it had better be good, because I swear to God . . .’
Lauren looks from her sister to her mother and back again. ‘I was just explaining to Mum . . .’ she starts, wishing her voice sounded far more authoritative than it does. She doesn’t know why she’s so nervous – she’s not done anything wrong.
‘So, I’ll start from the beginning again,’ she goes on, sitting down and spreading her hands out on the table. She hopes and prays that Jude will wake up and need to be fed, or Emmy grows bored of the brightly coloured toys that are littered all over the floor. Anything to create a distraction, to give her more space, as the intensity of the moment is making her feel claustrophobic. She loosens the neck of the top she’s wearing as heat burns her ears and makes her brain feel as if it’s boiling in its own fluid. You’ve done nothing wrong, she says to herself again, though even she’s not convinced.
‘Ever since Dad died, it’s felt like the three of us have grown apart.’ She looks to Kate, whose jaw is set, lips pulled tight as she glares back. Rose is staring blankly down at the table, but Lauren hopes she’s at least listening. ‘It’s as if there’s just been this huge hole, a vortex that felt like it was sucking us in.’
‘It’s called grief,’ says Kate tartly, seemingly unable to keep the vitriol from her voice. ‘That’s what happens when someone you love dies. Though I’m surprised you’d feel it to that degree.’
Lauren swallows the barbed comment, refusing to let it get to her, but in some respects Kate’s right. She can’t possibly claim to have felt their father’s death in the same way as Kate did. Lauren’s relationship with Harry was complicated, multi-layered, the result of a firstborn being taught hard lessons by a father who didn’t know any different. They say ignorance is bliss, but she’d paid a high price for his.
‘He was my father too.’
Kate curls her lip disdainfully.
‘So, I was wondering how to close this divide that seems to have opened up between us.