do with being embarrassed and awkward in front of two men, then I’m your number-one coquettish girl.
Joseph gives Nolan a look that I’m far too shocked to decipher, before returning his gaze to me. ‘So, are you happy to do it then, Ellie? Sounds like we need you in it.’
‘Um. Okay,’ I say, still processing.
Does . . . does Nolan fancy me?
Or is he just buttering me up to get me to play along?
Does he really think that I’m beautiful? And if so, what would that mean for our working relationship?
Hell, what would it mean for my working relationship with everyone else in the office? If Nolan starts to give off the impression that he’s attracted to me, won’t that have a negative impact on the way people treat me around here? Especially because he’s just promoted me?
I do not want anybody to think I got this job because of anything to do with the fact that I’m a woman and he’s a man. I did not get promoted via the medium of sexuality.
Okay, yes, I did flash my hemp knickers at him, but nobody else knows about that.
No . . . there was nothing underhand like that going on, at all. I did not use my feminine wiles to score a bigger pay cheque! I got the job the honourable and proper way: by lying through my teeth about being environmentally conscious.
Good grief.
There’s every chance I’m just overthinking this. Nolan is probably just being nice to a senior member of his staff, to get them to cooperate with his plans.
Yes.
That sounds about right to me.
Nothing more to it than that.
Nothing.
Speaking of nothing, I have nothing appropriate to wear for cycling. The last time I got on a bicycle I was fourteen years old and 84 per cent uncoordinated limbs. I’m not that sure I’m much more coordinated now, nearly twenty years later, to be honest.
I eventually elect to wear a pair of black leggings, a grey sweater, and a pair of Adidas I bought for the gym – and have therefore only worn on three previous occasions.
I look kind of sporty. Sporty-ish.
Good enough for this silly video, anyway.
Let’s hope it doesn’t take ages to shoot. I could do with getting back to the office as soon as possible, given that Mordred O’Hare has decided the script for the Veganthropy radio advert doesn’t contain enough information about how the leeks they are now using are ethically farmed, miles away from any unsuspecting Alliumaris lepidoptera colonies. I’m sure he’s happy about that, but I’m not convinced that telling the public at large about it is necessarily the right way to get them to buy the leek, butter bean and roasted cauliflower stew.
I arrive at the park close to Viridian PR’s offices, to be greeted by Nolan, Joseph, Joseph’s extensive array of camera equipment, three bamboo bikes, and Uncle Kev.
Uncle Kev’s full name is Kevin Flounder, and in a display of near-perfect nominative determinism, he does indeed look like a fish. One of the bug-eyed, thin ones.
He’s also dressed a tiny bit like Worzel Gummidge, in a tatty pinstripe suit jacket and equally threadbare red corduroy trousers. You can tell he’s the eccentric English inventor type from a thousand yards away. The hair is nowhere near as bushy or grey as Mordred’s, but it could give it a run for its money in the flyaway department.
The park is largely – and thankfully – empty. We should be able to do a few nice, brief shots of us riding around the car park, and the path around the park, without drawing too much attention.
‘Morning, Ellie!’ Nolan says happily, as I walk over to where the three of them are standing. ‘Say hello to Kevin and the Cyclocity 5000!’ He indicates the bikes and their inventor, who gives me a little wave.
Hmmm.
We’ll have to do something about that name. Cyclocity 5000 sounds like something out of 1950s America, not twenty-first-century Britain.
The bikes themselves are the type with small wheels and a high seat and handlebars. Kevin’s obviously designed them to mimic your average foldaway commuter cycle. The small electric engine sits above the pedals in a chunky section of the frame, which is clearly made out of bamboo, as it is quite a pleasing stained light-wood colour.
For a bicycle that someone’s knocked up in their own shed, the Cyclocity 5000 is quite an impressive piece of kit. To have made at least three of them already is even more impressive. There are a few