Irene McClapperty? This woman, who screams of an upper-middle-class upbringing where Daddy bought her at least two ponies, is called Irene McClapperty?
I take her hand. ‘Ellie. Very pleased to meet you, Mrs . . . Mrs McClapperty.’
‘Oh, please, it’s Irene,’ she says, and shakes Nolan’s hand as well as he introduces himself. ‘Now for some tea!’
Irene McClapperty (I may have to use her full name throughout here, just because it sounds so monumentally out of place . . . I need to bed it in properly) goes over to one of the enormous worktops that ring the entire kitchen, and pops the kettle on.
‘It’s a lovely place you have here,’ Nolan says, looking around the kitchen with an approving expression on his face.
‘Thank you! We do try to maintain a good home for our guests.’
‘It’s lovely you’re concerned with being environmentally friendly,’ I add, keen to ask her about it. It’s one of the main selling points of this trip for us, so it’s worth finding out a bit more before we go any further.
‘Oh . . . oh yes,’ Irene McClapperty responds as she pops a couple of teabags into a pot. ‘We are trying our best to be kinder to the creatures of God’s green earth.’
‘What kind of measures have you taken?’ I enquire in a serious tone, trying to ignore Nolan’s slightly uncomfortable expression. Doesn’t he want to know? ‘What efforts are you making to be greener?’
‘Oh, you know. Lots of things,’ Irene McClapperty tells me, looking a little awkward. ‘The bins. Bulbs. Composting. That kind of thing.’
‘That sounds lovely,’ Nolan says. ‘Nice to see folks making an effort. How long have you owned this gorgeous cottage?’
Well, that’s moved the subject on, hasn’t it? It’s clear Nolan doesn’t want to question Irene McClapperty further about her B&B’s green credentials. I wonder why?
The next few minutes are taken up with idle small talk as we drink our cups of tea, and then Irene McClapperty shows us to our room – which is enormous, gorgeous, and comes with a roll-top bath and a bed you could lose at least six puppies in.
I should be ecstatic about all of this, but instead I feel a little perturbed.
‘Why didn’t you let me ask her more about how green the B&B is?’ I ask Nolan, after Irene McClapperty has left us to settle in.
‘Because there’s plenty of time for us to find out about all of that stuff. It doesn’t need to be the first thing we ask about.’
I think on what he’s just said for a moment, and sigh. ‘Yeah. You’re right. It doesn’t.’ I pinch the bridge of my nose. ‘I think I’m becoming a little obsessed.’
Nolan comes over and wraps his arms around me. The hug is long, lovely and entirely what the doctor ordered.
‘Look,’ he says, continuing the hug, ‘just don’t worry about it for the next few days. We’re here to unwind. You don’t have to be on an environmental crusade every minute.’
‘Okay,’ I agree, nestling my face in his neck. It smells divine. ‘I’ll try to be a bit more . . . a bit more relaxed.’
Nolan ends the hug with a long, lingering kiss – and wouldn’t you know it, my concerns about how kind Irene McClapperty is to the polar bears go right out of my head.
I’m more concerned with puppies right now. Or rather, that bed that you could lose six of the cute little buggers in.
Nolan’s right.
I have to unwind.
I’ve got myself so passionate and committed to my job and the cause it champions that it’s turned me into a stress-filled frustration monster. That isn’t good for anyone – including me.
A few days of not thinking about it – and not thinking about work at all – will be good for me.
And that starts with seeing just how comfortable that bed truly is . . .
Very comfortable, as it turns out.
And that’s all the detail you’re getting.
Later that afternoon, Nolan and I drove a couple of miles to a pub restaurant that Irene McClapperty recommended to us.
The Lamb’s Tail was delightful, and the food was delicious.
By the time I’d consumed my salted caramel pudding, I truly was feeling relaxed for the first time in weeks. Neither of us mentioned work once during the meal, which made a massive change. Usually it’s the main topic of conversation in any chats we might have. I get the feeling that Nolan is deliberately not bringing it up, which is fine by me, as I don’t