George. I didn’t exactly know who I was going to go out with and didn’t feel like working my way through the male interns, so instead, I confronted Jack.
“Set me up with someone,” I said to him the next morning.
He was writing notes and glanced up at me skeptically.
“What?”
“I need a date, and you’re a guy. You know guys. Set me up on a date.”
“Why do you need a date? What happened with George?”
His knowing smile said he suspected something had gone wrong, but he kept his eyes trained on the chart he was working on. I grabbed the files for a couple of the patients I needed to update the notes for and followed him as he headed over to make sure that our droplet precaution patient had kept her oxygen on in the twenty minutes since he’d last told her to put it on.
“It didn’t work out.” I sulked and Jack finally looked up.
“My God,” he gasped, “are you actually pouting?”
“Come on,” I whined, “I know you’ve got to have a college buddy or something!”
“Yeah,” he scoffed. “I’m just drowning in friends; can’t you tell by my choice to spend my free time with you?”
I kicked him lightly, and he looked at me accusingly.
“Not the way to get someone to do you a favor.”
“C’mon, Jack! If you help me, I’ll help you,” I sing-songed in my nicest voice.
He sighed and stared at the ceiling like it could offer him a reprieve from me. It couldn’t.
“You’re really lucky that I need something.”
“Okay!” I exclaimed, “now we’re talking! What do you need?”
He looked like he’d rather have his teeth pulled without anesthetic than tell me, but he did anyway.
“Jennifer’s birthday is next week, and I have no idea what to get her. We’re not dating so I don’t want to overstep, but I can’t do nothing and…”
“And you need something that says you’re available without looking desperate that also makes her happy?”
Jack nodded uncomfortably.
“So, I kind of need you to scope her out?” he asked.
“Sure thing! What’s her last name?”
“Green. Jennifer Green. I think she’s on orthopedic rotation right now.”
The name sounded familiar, but I couldn’t place where I’d heard it before. If he could help me, though, I’d do my damned best to help him.
“And what about me?” I prodded following him to the next patient room.
“Yeah. I’ve got this buddy studying at MIT. He’d probably be up for a date. He’s a stubborn ass just like you, so it might be true love.”
I beamed at my friend despite his rudeness and threatened to hug him if he was that nice to me again. I had another date, and maybe I could get over myself this time.
Jason from MIT was an ass.
All he wanted to talk about was his app, and then he told me that doctors were just profiting from sickness and were perpetuating it because of that. I gritted my teeth all the way through his ridiculous conspiracy theory, and at the end of the date, bid him good night and never even gave him my phone number.
My blue balling of George and ghosting of Jason somehow made Jack think it was his personal mission to get me laid, so over the next three weeks I went on five more dates, each worse than the one before.
Harry was greasy.
James was irritating.
Sam picked his nose.
Allen wore an honest-to-god bathrobe.
Gary started the conversation by informing me he was “too big” for condoms.
I was more tired from dating ridiculous men than I was from missing Adrian, and that was really saying something. I wondered if there was something wrong with me, that I just couldn’t be with any of those men, but Jack at the very least agreed that Gary was a creep. He was just as tired from setting me up with the only guys he had contact with as I was from going on dates, and we found ourselves even more frequently at Sweet Nell’s, drinking beer and complaining about everything to Dylan.
I had fulfilled my side of the bargain for Jack, and he felt like he had let me down. Jennifer ended up being the precocious doctor I’d met on my orthopedics rotation, and while I couldn’t see why Jack was madly in love with her, I stayed true to my word and got close enough to her to find out that she had a secret love of astronomy. One ceiling light map of the stars later, Jack had finally scored a date with her. I was