that this would put a lot of pressure on their small family and that Jasmine’s father being in the Middle East didn’t help.
I herded my interns out of the room and stared them all down.
“You three understand that if Kayla agrees to this, Jasmine will be the youngest recipient of a Total Artificial Heart ever?”
They all nodded, two of them eagerly, and one of them nervously.
“I need you three to be on form today. If Kayla consents, I want Jasmine in the OR tonight. On top of your other patients, I need you to be checking her vitals and keeping her comfortable. Jasmine likes to pretend she’s not in pain, but it is vital that we know exactly what is happening at each stage. I’m going to call Dr. Ito in Seattle and see if he has any last minute advice. Smith and Lehaney, just make yourselves useful today. If I find either of you slacking, you’ll be off my service. Christophers, can I have a word?”
Smith and Lehaney muttered their acquiescence and disappeared without another word. I needed them to just keep all our other stable patients healthy while I prepared for one of the biggest operations of my lifetime.
“Yes, Dr. Price?”
I turned to face her, and all I wanted was to find comfort in those hands again. I rarely admitted when things were hard for me and never let my colleagues see it, not even Jonah. I couldn’t though. This would be the worst time to let anyone in on my vulnerabilities and the worst time to compromise our working relationship.
“You’ve worked hard” I began, “and you will be in the OR if and when Kayla agrees to the surgery. Are you prepared for that?”
Stevie bit her lip, and I wished I could stop her from doing that, wished I could kiss away the lines of worry that formed on her brow.
“Yes, doctor,” she said eventually.
The answer was decisive enough to reassure me, but she seemed concerned enough that I knew she would take it seriously. Still, I wanted to do something, anything to put her at ease, so I glanced around, made sure no one could see us, and pulled her into a swift hug. It took a moment, but I heard her gasp and felt her melt against me.
Just as she really leaned into the embrace, I had to end it, concerned we would be caught. Her cheeks were flushed when I pulled back, and her face filled with an unreadable emotion. She opened her mouth, presumably to say something, but I couldn’t hear it, and wouldn't hear any of the protests she usually had to our friendship.
I walked away toward my office and refused to turn around. I refused to acknowledge what I had done.
Chapter Nine
Stevie
Where he’d held me burned.
I could feel it pressing through my scrubs and tattooing itself over my organs, like a protective layer that could hold me secure through my first surgery. The day passed in a blur, and I spent it running from the ER where patients were being admitted up to the cardiac ward to check on Jasmine.
Of course, Kayla consented to the surgery. Maybe I had too much faith in Adrian, but I thought it was their only option realistically. When Adrian had mentioned an artificial heart, I had been sceptical—it seemed like something straight out of science fiction. I knew that there had been successes with it in children as young as eleven, but I just couldn’t see how it might work on Jasmine. Her chest cavity, her whole body, was simply too small, even for the downsized version of the machine. I was concerned about how it would handle the situation and how she would adjust to her new life. Even if she got so well that she could be discharged, Jasmine would have to be on a driver until the day a new heart was found for her.
When I pushed aside my concerns about Jasmine, my confusion about Adrian surfaced. He was attractive, he was smart, he cared about me, and he had more depth to him than he showed in the hospital. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I knew that if I gave even a little of myself over to my feelings for him, I’d cave completely. A part of me wanted to cave, wanted to know what it felt like to love and be loved by him. The completely rational part of me that had coached me through an