my head day and night. When I went to bed and when I woke up, it was still there. Adrian wasn’t exactly doing anything to lessen its impact either. He would track me down at the hospital, seemingly able to find me anywhere I went. He was a hard-ass on all the new interns, including myself, until it came time for a break. If he wasn’t on break, he’d take a detour on his route to talk to me. I found his presence to be sudden, intrusive, and strangely charming. He would show up sometimes wearing scrubs, sometimes wearing his smart shirt and pants, depending on what he had planned for the day.
On one particular Tuesday, I woke up and realized I felt happy. I hadn’t woken up happy since joining the hospital. Usually, I woke up confused. I would go to sleep in such a state of exhaustion, that the next morning, my body had no idea how I’d gotten into my bed. I was happy it was Tuesday though, because it was finally my day off.
I hadn’t appreciated days off until I worked in the hospital. Usually, they were days that just meant catching up on laundry and studying. A day off from the hospital, though, that was special. I could lay in bed for as long as I wanted, and I did exactly that. I pulled the book I had once hoped to finish reading off the bedside table and pulled it open to where I’d left off. Laziness, in small increments, felt good.
I read for all of ten minutes before it occurred to me that something was wrong. I could hear people out on the street, and I could accept that life was going on, but it was too quiet. Too damn quiet. I had gotten used to the hustle and bustle of the hospital, and now my apartment felt wrong. I got up, laying the book on the unmade bed, and walked across my bedroom floor. I stepped out onto the cooler flooring, and the whole place looked lonely. I had wanted the kind of place that I could call my own, but I briefly wondered if I should have moved in with roommates. Even if I wasn’t a big fan of other people, the quiet of my own apartment might have seemed less disturbing with other warm bodies to fill the space.
I stuffed a banana in my mouth and stared around the barren living area. It had a chair and sofa, along with a desk, bookshelf, and coffee table. It was so devoid of personal belongings that anyone could have lived there; it could have been a showroom. The idea of sitting down at my desk was suffocating, even with the sunlight filtering through the window in front of it. I had never expected to not know what to do with myself. There was always more to study, more to learn, and yet, the idea of holing up in my personal space was, for once, abhorrent.
I changed out of my pajamas, settled on jeans and a t-shirt, and slid my glasses onto my nose instead of wearing contacts. My hair ended up in a messy bun, and I made sure my running shoes were clean enough for indoors before sliding into them. In the mirror, I still looked tired like most interns, but I also looked comfortable. I grabbed my bookbag and headed into the sunlight.
I could practically feel the vitamin D soaking into my skin. My skin was usually tan, the natural complexion I inherited from my father making me glow in the sunlight, but even so, I felt pale, knowing I looked it too.
I strode over the tracks, past Sweet Nell’s, and kept going. I didn’t know where I was headed: maybe a library, or even a nice patch of grass where I could sit and enjoy the beautiful day. Apparently, my brain was making my decision for me though, because when Mass General loomed over me, I didn’t feel annoyed but rather at home.
I stepped inside, only planning to head for the library, but something stopped me.
Of course, Adrian was there. He was talking to someone I didn’t recognize, but he looked good. The sunlight slanted through the glass and landed on his brown hair, highlighting the hints of auburn that hid there. He was smiling, clearly enjoying his conversation. His eyes sparkled and his teeth shone when he smiled. He spoke with his hands, making small gestures to emphasise what