I’d anticipated. The perfect ending to the evening would have been listening to more stories about Ethan’s life, and then a few rounds of passion in front of the fireplace in his living room.
“Ready?” he asked, glancing around the room to make sure that we hadn’t left anything. I nodded and he followed me out, flicking off the switch behind us.
You couldn’t really call what we did to my car walking. It was more like the slow, uncertain gait of an infant learning to toddle. Our cars were literally parked in the spots right in front of the building, a sixty-second walk at normal pace, but nearly five minutes passed before we were standing at my car.
We idled and my eyes darted everywhere except his face. He looked nowhere else but my face.
“I don’t want you to leave,” he said, taking a step closer to me.
“And I don’t want to leave,” I answered.
“You don’t have to.”
“I only got permission for three —“
“Please, just stop right there.”
He increased the distance between us and leaned against the hood of my car. He was agitated and made no effort to try to cover it up.
“What did I say?” I asked, closing the gap that he’d created. “What’s wrong?”
“You don’t need permission from Roderick to do anything.”
I groaned. “Ethan, it’s a complicated —”
“No, it’s not, Alle. I don’t even know why you entertain his bullshit in the first place.” His brow shot up. “Why do you entertain his bullshit? You can’t tell me that you’re happy with him.”
I simply stared at him.
“Go ahead, Alle. Tell me that Roderick makes you happy and I promise you that I’ll leave you alone.”
Panic had never found its way through my veins quicker than it did at that moment. “What do you mean, leave me alone?” I asked. “You mean stop doing what we’re doing?”
“Tell me that he makes you happy, Alle.”
“Just so what, you can leave? Or, are you just looking for an excuse to make a clean exit?”
“Alle, you were just about to tell me that you had to ask for fucking permission from this man to be out of the house like you’re some kind of child.”
“That’s what couples do, Ethan!”
I immediately regretted using the word “couples” when I saw something flash in his eyes. What we were doing was already wrong. It didn’t help to keep selfishly throwing that in his face, but then turn around and be unable to resist him.
“Fuck it.” He pushed himself off of my car and started towards his, but stopped when we were standing side by side. “And, for the record, that’s not what ‘couples’ do, but thanks for reminding me.”
Then, he continued walking.
I reached for my door handle but pulled my hand back when I noticed it shaking. I didn’t want him to leave and especially not like this. He'd teased a piece of me out of the world that Roderick, my parents, and society had trapped me in, and I had no intention of stepping back in. However, I couldn't fully venture outside of that world without knowing what would be there to meet me on the other side.
“Ethan, wait.”
I turned around.
He was right in front of me.
“I can’t even fucking walk away from you,” he said before tugging me into his body, and covering my mouth with his.
The only way to explain what I did next was simply that I melted into him. I made a noise that was somewhere between a sigh and a moan and fused with him. My hands went behind his neck and he cupped my butt in his palms, eliciting a spread of heat that roamed from my inner thighs to a place deep inside me. In that moment, as long as I had Ethan, I didn’t need food, sleep, or oxygen. I needed this man more than I needed my next breath.
He somehow navigated our bodies into my car and onto the backseat without releasing his grip. My body eagerly awaited his touch — his fingers, his mouth, his tongue — and he held my face between his hands, kissing me deeply. I tugged on his sweater until I’d pulled it over his head, and then reached for his belt. Once I’d gotten his clothes off, he peeled every inch of fabric away from my skin so slowly that I nearly passed out from need.
I eased onto my knees and his lips latched onto my nipple. I could feel the evidence of my arousal seeping and saturating my folds,