Nina must have told him a sob story to make him think she still had a shred of decency in her after she abandoned me. I just wasn’t sure what type of story would get her the pity she wanted, and I dreaded hearing whatever was about to come out of Richard’s mouth.
Richard cleared his throat. “Your mother wasn’t exactly willing the night that-”
I held up a hand to stop him. “I get it.”
I never thought I would say this, but I genuinely hoped Nina was lying. I was also terrified that she was telling the truth. If I was the product of a selfish narcissist and a rapist, what did that make me? I felt sick to my stomach but forced a neutral look on my face.
“And you thought by telling me this - it would help explain why she left me?”
“I thought you might be more willing to give her a chance if you understood what she was going through when she decided to run.” He gentled his voice. “You’re around that age now.”
I took a bite and chewed slowly to give myself a moment to think before responding. If Nina’s story was true, then I could understand why she was so determined to forget I existed. Every time she looked at me, she was reminded of what she went through.
“So she doesn’t just hate me for ruining her life, she also can’t stand to look at me because I remind her of her rapist.” I didn’t resemble my mother much, so I must have gotten most of my characteristics from my father’s side of the family.
Richard sighed. “She doesn’t hate you, and I know she regrets leaving you behind. We all make stupid decisions when we’re young.”
I gave him an incredulous look. I doubted Nina regretted leaving a sick baby and dirty diapers behind to become a famous model and hang out with celebrities and millionaires. Abandoning your child in a hospital was a little more extreme than the usual cases of underage drinking and smoking that most teenagers dabbled in. But I knew Richard was just trying to do the right thing, so I let it go for now. My fight wasn’t with him - it was with Nina.
We continued to eat in silence for a few minutes until he said something I never expected. “I’m not oblivious to the state my family is in.”
I stared at him in surprise, and he gave me a wry smile. “My sons indulge in all kinds of debauchery and hold a grudge against me for things I’ve done in the past.” he paused. “And I doubt my fiancé would have even looked in my direction if I were just a mid-level programmer.”
My jaw dropped. “Why do you look the other way?” I didn’t get why he would ever want to be with Nina if he already knew she was a gold digger.
“Because I’m not a good person,” Richard said quietly. “I’ve fired people who were my friends because I thought that was best for the company. I’ve run smaller companies out of business to eliminate my competition, and I set unrealistically high expectations on all of my employees.” He shrugged. “Being with someone who has their own flaws makes it easier to accept mine. Plus, I know what to expect from Nina. It would be difficult for her to make any decisions that surprised me.”
I guess that kind of made sense in a twisted way. “But why tell me this?”
Richard chuckled. “You remind me of myself somewhat. You have something inside of you that drives you to work yourself to exhaustion in the endless pursuit of perfection that you know you’ll never reach. I might disagree with your choice to apply that to ballet, but I understand why you do what you do.”
I bristled at his criticism of my goals. “Ruling the world might make you happy, but I just need to be able to express myself on stage.”
“But you still have the drive to be the best,” he insisted. “I can see it in you when you talk about dance, and the way that you push yourself to practice. I don’t know any other teenage girls that would prefer to work in a studio all day instead of sitting by the pool or spending their parent’s money.”
I flinched at his mention of parents, but he didn’t notice. I guess he was talking about Nina and himself, so he didn’t see anything wrong with what he had said. I