before turning me around by my shoulders and shaking them gently. “I have no idea what’s going on with you, but this isn’t the real you, Ry. Do you want him in your life?”
“Yes.” Zero thought required for that answer. “I regretted letting him go before he even left my hospital room, but I had to do it.”
“No, you didn’t.” He arched both brows at me, his fingers still on my shoulders. “I spoke to him. Hell, he even picked me up from the airport last night. When we got to the hospital, they refused to let me in because it was too late, so he brought me here.”
“You saw him?” I whispered, my heart clenching. “How is he?”
“He looks like shit.” He chuckled but there was no amusement in his eyes. “Even I felt sorry for him, and I’m the last person who should be capable of that right now. Don’t get me wrong. I realize that you’re both adults and that you can do whatever, or in this case whoever, you want, but the thought of you two together is still fucking weird.”
“We didn’t mean for it to happen,” I said quietly, “but I’m not going to apologize for it. He makes me happy, Billy.”
He smiled gently. “I’m not asking you to apologize, but if he makes you happy, why did you kick him out when he wanted to be there for you and you needed him to be? Like I said, the guy looks like shit. I’m two hundred percent sure he’s in love with you too. You broke his heart, Ry. I didn’t even know he really had one, but I looked into his eyes and I saw it. He’s broken.”
“So am I,” I confessed, more tears streaming down my face as my shoulders heaved on silent sobs. “But it’s not just my heart that’s broken. It’s my body too. How can I do that to him?”
“The only thing you’d be doing to him is making him happy. You still don’t get it, do you?”
“Get what?” I had to use my whole palms to wipe my face. My fingers were useless against the onslaught of tears streaming down my cheeks at this point.
Billy looked into my eyes, disbelief in his as he shook his head. “There’s a reason why the phrase ‘in sickness and in health’ has been included in wedding vows going back fuck even knows how many years. True love isn’t about only being there for each other in the good times. It might even be more about being there when things get hard and facing it together.”
I suddenly saw my brother in a whole different light. He wasn’t just the jackass who used to refuse to hang out with me, the friend I bantered with when we were home, or the playboy I thought he was in Nashville.
He’d grown up too, and no one said stuff like that if they hadn’t lived through something big. “When did you get so wise?”
“I’ve always been wise.” He tried for a smirk, but it fell flat. “Listen to me, Ry. Carter knows what he’s getting into. He wants the fabulous, beautiful parts of you, but he also wants the parts you think are broken. They’re all a part of you, and you’re the one he wants.”
“He said that?” I was all choked up, but the words came out audibly nonetheless.
Billy rolled his eyes. “He didn’t have to say it in so many words. Guys like us don’t really talk to each other using words like those, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true. If there was even a shred of doubt in my mind, I’d never be here advocating for him.”
“So what do I do now?” I asked after a minute of letting his words sink in. There was a fresh spark of hope in my chest, but what was done was done. I couldn’t take back what I’d done and said in that hospital room. “You just said it. I broke his heart. It’s too late now.”
He scoffed. “What do you think second chances are all about? You gave him one after he lied to you, didn’t you? Don’t you think he’d be willing to do the same for you?”
The spark turned into an inferno, but the shame, guilt, and regret were all still there—all just as strong. “Maybe. I’m still not sure I can just forget what a relationship with me would mean for him.”
“Did you talk to your doctors about it?” he asked,