going to turn me off you. For better or worse, I can’t change the insanity between us.”
“Insanity?” She reached up to smooth the wrinkle between my brows. “That’s a good word for it, but this might just change it. I don’t know if I’m ready for that to happen, even if it will make things easier for us.”
“I’m not interested in easy. I’m interested in you. I shouldn’t be, but you already know I am. You told me the other night that you don’t care about what’s in my past, and I feel the same.”
“See, my thing isn’t just in my past. It’s my present and my future as well. It will never go away.”
“Is it a criminal record?” I asked, trying to ease the tension coming from her.
She smiled, but worry still tightened her eyes. “No, it’s not a criminal record. At least I could apply to have that expunged eventually. There’s no possibility of that with this.”
“You don’t have to tell me,” I repeated, “but you should know that you won’t scare me away. I don’t know how you think I’m going to look at you if you tell me, but I can promise you it won’t happen.”
I shouldn’t have been talking to her like this, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t ignore the way I felt about her. She wasn’t just a client. I was already keeping something really important from her because I was afraid of losing her.
In my own twisted way, being honest with her about everything else was me trying to make up for it. I knew that once the inevitable happened, she wouldn’t believe that I hadn’t been lying to her about anything else, but at least I would know the truth. Hopefully, because it would be the truth, I’d be able to get her to believe it eventually too.
“I like that you’re not overly worried about me,” she said. “I don’t know what I’d do if you suddenly started pitying me or treating me like I’m fragile.”
Although I’d known that something big must have happened for her to give up what she loved doing for so long, this was the first time my heart constricted in fear about it. “You’re precious, but I know you’re not fragile.”
“I have MS,” she whispered so softly that I almost didn’t hear her. Terror shone from her eyes, but the words came out so fast that it was like she couldn’t hold them back anymore. “Multiple sclerosis. I didn’t fall on that stage two years ago. I collapsed.”
Fuck. Instinctively, my hold on her tightened before I realized I would be doing exactly what I’d promised her I wouldn’t. Forcing myself to relax, I held her gaze steadily and exhaled through my nose as I tried to keep my emotions in check.
“Are you okay now?” It was a stupid question, but since I hadn’t seen any sign of it, I had to know if she was in a completely different kind of danger. One I couldn’t do anything to protect her from.
My heart went wild in my chest at the thought that I couldn’t do anything to keep her safe from her own body. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I can’t lose her. I just can’t.
She sighed. “Collapsing and being diagnosed scared me badly, but I’m fine. I’m going to have to be more careful going forward, but I’m following all my doctors’ orders and then some.”
I rested my forehead against hers, closing my eyes as I took a moment to process the sharp sense of responsibility I suddenly felt for her. What I’d thought was a protective instinct before was nothing compared to the feeling that ripped through me now. I’d burn the fucking world to the ground if it meant eliminating everywhere a potential threat could be hiding.
“So now you know,” she said softly. “Still want to get into my pants, or did that do the trick?”
I barked out a hoarse laugh, a strange pressure in my chest as I pulled back to let her see my eyes. “I just told you nothing was going to do the trick. I stand by that, Rylee. Don’t get me wrong. This changes things but not in the way you seem to think.”
“How does it change things then?” There was a different kind of fear in her eyes now, and I brought my lips to hers in a chaste kiss to dispel it.
“Watching you was already driving me crazy because make no mistake, I want into your