"What do I truly want? Is that what you're asking for?"
Mordred nodded yes.
"'Tisn't the Dark Tower at all, if you want the truth; it's Roland who stays on my mind and in my heart. I want him dead." Walter spoke with flat and unsmiling finality. "For the long and dusty leagues he's chased me; for all the trouble he's caused me; and for the Red King, as well-the tmeKing, ye do ken; for his presumption in refusing to give over his quest no matter what obstacles were placed in his path; most of all for the death of his mother, whom I once loved." And, in an undertone:
"Or at least coveted. In either case, it was he who killed her. No matter what part I or Rhea of the Coos may have played in that matter, it was the boy himself who stopped her breath with his damned guns, slow head, and quick hands.
"As for the end of the universe... I say let it come as it will, in ice, fire, or darkness. What did the universe ever do for me that I should mind its welfare? All I know is that Roland of Gilead has lived too long and I want that son of a bitch in the ground. And those he's drawn, too."
For the third and last time, Mordred drew the shape of a question in the air.
"There's only a single working door from here to the devartoi, young master. It's the one the Wolves use... or used; I think they've made their last run, so I do. Roland and his friends have gone through it, but that's all right, there's plenty to occupy em right where they come out-they might find the reception a bit hot! Mayhap we can take care of em while they've got the Breakers and the remaining Children of Roderick and the true guards o' die watch to worry about. Would you like that?"
The infant nodded an affirmative with no hesitation. He then put his fingers to his mouth and chewed at them.
"Yes," Walter said. His grin shone out. "Hungry, of course you are. But I'm sure we can do better than rats and halfgrown billy-bumblers when it comes to dinner. Don't you?"
Mordred nodded again. He was sure they could, too.
"Will I play the good da' and carry you?" Walter asked.
"That way you don't have to change to your spider-self. Ugh!
Not a shape 'tis easy to love, or even like, I must say."
Mordred was holding up his arms.
"Won't shit on me, will you?" Walter asked casually, halting halfway across the floor. His hand slid into his pocket, and Mordred realized with a touch of alarm that the sly bastard had been hiding something from him, just the same: he knew the so-called "thinking-cap" wasn't working. Now he meant to use the gun after all.
THREE
In fact, Mordred gave Walter o' Dim far too much credit, but isn't that a trait of the young, perhaps even a survival skill? To a wide-eyed lad, the tacky tricks of the world's most ham-fisted prestidigitator look like miracles. Walter did not actually realize what was happening until very late in the game, but he was a wily old survivor, tell ya true, and when understanding came, it came entire.
There's a phrase, the elephant in the living room, which purports to describe what it's like to live with a drug addict, an alcoholic, an abuser. People outside such relationships will sometimes ask, "How could you let such a business go on for so many years? Didn't you see the elephant in the living mam?" And it's so hard for anyone living in a more normal situation to understand the answer that comes closest to the truth: "I'm sorry, but it was there when I moved in. I didn't know it was an elephant; I thought it was part of the furniture." There comes an for some folks-the lucky ones-when they suddenly recognize the difference. And that moment came for Walter. It came too late, but not by much.
Y'tvon't shit on me, will you-that was the question he asked, but between the word shit and the phrase on me, he suddenly realized there was an intruder in his house... and it had been there all along. Not a baby, either; this was a gangling, slopeheaded adolescent with pockmarked skin and dully curious eyes. It was perhaps the best, truest visualization Walter could have made for Mordred Deschain as he at that moment existed: a teenage housebreaker, probably high on some