He was beginning to think, the longer this went on, she only got more beautiful to plague him.
“Are you ready to talk?” he asked.
No answer.
“That’s fine. I’ll be back later to pick this up.” He stood and indicated the food, turning for the door. Better to leave now before he made things worse.
The next morning, he found her back on the sofa staring at her hands. The food from the night before had been picked at. He replaced it with the new tray he brought with him.
“You need to eat,” he said. “You need to regain your strength.”
She stared at her hands.
He hated this. He hated being shut out.
He missed her.
She hadn’t tried to escape since that time with Pigeon, and he wasn’t sure if he hated that the most. It was like she’d given up and was just waiting for him to finish her off.
“We’ll be arriving at Atrexia in a few days,” he said just to fill the silence, to get a reaction, anything from her. “After that, we’re due back on Earth.”
She didn’t look up.
He couldn’t take it anymore. Hysterian was in front of her within the next second. She jerked back with a gasp.
It was something. It was fucking something.
“Tell me, Alexa. I’m begging. If someone is blackmailing you—”
“No one’s blackmailing me!” She snapped to her feet and fled to the upper half of the room.
He stilled. It was the first time he’d heard her voice in days.
“Then why?” he asked cautiously.
“You might as well kill me and get it over with.”
“I don’t want to fucking kill you. Let me help you.”
Her laugh sounded hollow with defeat. “Help me? You don’t want to help me. You want to shout and threaten, and get your way.”
He stormed after her and grabbed her arm. She tugged but he wasn’t going to allow her to get away.
“Why did you sleep with me?” he asked.
Her face fell.
“Tell me!”
She looked at the ground.
He had half a mind to crawl under her so she’d be looking at him instead. He cursed, dropped her arm, and left.
The next time he came back, she stood in front of the mirror in his bathroom, pulling at her hair with tears in her eyes.
He grabbed her hand before she yanked her hair again. “What are you doing?”
“I want them to stop,” she cried. “I want them to stop!”
“You want what to stop?”
She sobbed. “The thoughts.”
Hysterian pulled her into his arms. She hit him with her fists as she cried. He stayed still, keeping her trapped in his embrace.
“I can’t make the thoughts stop, but I can help you. Let me help you,” he urged. “Let me help you.”
“Pigeon,” she gasped. “I want to talk to Pigeon. Only Pigeon.”
His voice hardened, “Pigeon tried to take you away from me.”
Alexa wiped at her face with her hands. It broke his damned metal-encased heart. She was deteriorating, and he didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t equipped for this. He watched her dry her tears and slip back into stasis.
Later that night, he stared at his own hands, sitting on the sofa. Alexa was curled up on his bed, just within his sight. She was watching him.
Sometimes it seemed like she was about to speak, but then she’d turn away and shut him out all over again.
He’d lied to her. He could help take away her thoughts. At least for a time.
He could make her happy, delirious. He could reconfigure his poison into something else for her, something that would shut off her mind completely. Hysterian tugged off his glove and unfurled his fingers. With a single touch, he could make her smile…
Had he ever made her smile? He couldn’t recall. There were no occurrences of it in his memory.
Had he ever made anyone smile that wasn’t with the use of drugs? He rubbed the moisture between his fingers.
Tomorrow, they would arrive on Atrexia and deliver the locusts. He had Horace managing the lab, and Hysterian needed to check in on his second soon. Time was running out. He couldn’t keep Pigeon locked away forever, and eventually, the lack of contact from his crew with the EPED was going to be questioned.
Yet he’d gotten no closer to why Alexa was on his ship.
If he handed her over to the government, he’d never see her again. It was either keep her captive forever, or…let her go.
She hadn’t actually hurt him, not physically. She hadn’t done anything wrong as far as Hysterian knew.
Except lie. Except be something she’s not.
Killing her was