you knew you shouldn’t have, whether it was because it would be bad for you, or it was out of your reach?”
She wanted Hysterian. She shouldn’t want Hysterian.
“Yeaah… Why?”
“What did you do?”
Pigeon swiveled to face her. “Well, that’s not the kind of question I was expecting from you. Want to tell me what’s wrong?”
“No.”
Pigeon rubbed his chin. “Okay. It’s private. Is this about you and the captain?”
Alexa stiffened. “What?” How did he…?
“You and the captain? That’s what this is about, isn’t it? Please, don’t tell me it’s about Raul… You can do better than that.”
“I—” What was she supposed to say? “How did you know?”
Pigeon laughed. “I’ve been around a long time, been around a lot of women too for a great deal of it. I know when a man’s messing up the peace. As a dad, I hated it. The captain has eyes for you. Is that the problem?”
“No, that’s not it.”
“Are you worried we’re going to care if you start something up with him? Because I can tell you right now, I don’t give a damn. I only want you to be careful.”
Alexa threaded her fingers together on the bar. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Well, you need to break things off with Raul.”
She sighed. “I know.”
“He’s not going to be happy about it.”
Boy did she know that. She suspected sharing a room with Raul wasn’t going to work long-term. “I don’t want to want the…captain,” she admitted.
“We don’t always get to choose what the heart wants, kiddo. Sometimes it chooses for you.”
She placed her hands in her lap. “What should I do?”
“I don’t know what to tell you. Except that…if it’s only chemistry, then I’d think long and hard about taking the leap with someone like Hysterian. He’d treat you well. I’ve never heard of a Cyborg treating a woman wrong—even with all the stuff on the network lately,” Pigeon waved his hand. “But he’s also your boss. If things went poorly—”
“I know.”
“—you could find yourself out of a job.”
Or dead. Alexa wanted to say. She could wind up dead. “Being a Cyborg doesn’t make him a good person.”
“No, but neither does being human, and what’s a person that isn’t human?”
Alexa rubbed her face. God, how she wished she could tell Pigeon everything. Spill her guts and have some of the weight of her secrets given away.
She couldn’t, especially not to him. She’d be putting him in danger if she did something so selfish. He has daughters.
“An alien?” she teased, answering him.
Pigeon laughed. “Yeah, an alien. But we both know our captain isn’t that.”
She joined Pigeon in his laughter, almost comforted by the absurdity of her situation. It was funny if she thought about it. The absurdity. She was a half-breed pretending to be a human, working for a Cyborg—a being who would kill her without a thought if he knew what she was—and she wanted him, even though he killed her father.
And he had no idea about any of it.
Alexa laughed a little harder.
“That’a girl,” Pigeon said, patting her back. “Whether you take up with the captain or not is no one’s choice but your own, Dear. No one can take that freedom from you. And if you do take up with him, he’ll be one lucky man. But be careful, whatever your choice ends up being. Our jobs don’t allow us to settle down, or have meaningful relationships. We’re constantly moving, traveling across the universe, visiting dangerous places. Sometimes it’s years before we find ourselves back home, and our families? They may not be waiting around for you when you do.”
Alexa nodded. It wasn’t really the situation she was in. She’d never put any thought into her future. She had no family as it stood anyway. But it was something to consider…if she managed to survive.
“Thank you, Pigeon,” she said. “You’ve given me a lot to think about.”
“Good. There isn’t any harm when it comes to thinking.” His head snapped up. “Where the fuck is Raul? He’s an hour late.”
Alexa straightened and looked around with Pigeon, having forgotten about Raul. She looked at her wristcon, but there were no messages from him. I’ll break things off with him tonight. Before anything else happens… She decided, even if she stayed away from Hysterian, she still needed to break things off with Raul. There just wasn’t a spark for her when it came to him.
“Maybe he forgot?” she said.
Pigeon snorted. “Wouldn’t put it past him. Are you going to order a drink?”
Alexa closed her hand around her