with Reid, and Kelly joined us even though Jess is boycotting. It was fun to be back at Derrick’s house with the whole gang, but I really missed Jess. Kelly and I talked about it a little bit, and she seemed to think that it would all work out eventually. They haven’t really been hanging out so I asked if they were officially broken up, and Kelly told me that they’d never officially said that they were girlfriends.
I know what that feels like for sure.
Carson and I have had sex a couple more times since that day we rolled—both times not on drugs, and using condoms. Having sex is fun, and I think I am pretty good at it—or at least getting good at it. Carson says it’s the best sex of his life. Of course, he’s only had sex with three other girls—or at least that’s what he says. He says he loves me, but I’m not sure what our relationship is really about. Part of me is fine with that—realistic about it. The other part feels myself growing more attached and sort of depressed about it. I guess that’s why it feels so nice to be on molly with Carson. When we’re rolling together, nothing else matters. It’s just him and me and there’s no problem. I get the overwhelming sensation that everything will be just fine between us—no matter what. That even if he goes off to college, and we both fall in love with other people, things will work out just fine.
It’s only the next morning, when I’m sitting here writing in this damn diary, that I wonder if I’m completely full of shit. Will I just fall apart when he leaves?
Friday, June 26
Carson and I went to see a movie yesterday afternoon, and afterward he wanted to go by Reid’s place. I’d never been to Reid’s house before, and when we got there, Sara was on her way over. She has an internship at a law office downtown this summer. She showed up wearing this black suit with a short skirt and a slim black blazer. Her high heels made her legs look about three hundred feet long. She looked like a lawyer on a TV show—very sophisticated, Reid said. He decided that we should all have sophisticated drinks to match her outfit and started making martinis.
I’d never had a martini and I thought it was kind of gross, so Carson made me a cosmo, which tasted a lot better but got me totally buzzed because it was mainly vodka. We were all hanging out when Reid’s dad came home. He actually joined us for a drink. What is it like to have parents like this? My dad would freak out if he came home and found me and Ashley making drinks with a bunch of friends.
After a little while, Kelly showed up in Kyle’s big SUV and drove us to this club called The Edge. The music was awesome, and she had molly on her. We all dosed in the car and then went in to the most awesome music I’d heard since the Whip5mart concert. Kyle can DJ like nobody’s business. Kelly said that some major labels were talking to him about sending in his EPs and stuff, but Kyle says he can make more money getting on the DJ circuit and selling his mixes on iTunes while he’s in college.
Before I left the car, I texted Mom to tell her that I was staying over at Kelly’s last night, but I actually ended up at Carson’s place. His dad is gone for a week on a business trip to New York, and his mom has gone to Florida to visit her mother for the week, so we had the place to ourselves. We all ended up coming down in Carson’s hot tub. After his set at The Edge, Kyle was on his way over to Carson’s place, and stopped at home to drop off his gear. While he was there, he nabbed a couple of really good bottles of champagne from his parents’ wine fridge.
Reid passed around a bowl in the hot tub and it really helped me get sleepy as I was coming off the molly. Kelly announced that she was going out with Jess tomorrow night, and it made me excited to think that maybe Jess would hang out with us again soon. I really miss her.
This morning when Carson dropped me off, he kissed me and I wondered out