when I’m not on molly? That’s lame. Where’s the girl who unbuttoned Carson’s shirt while dancing out by the pool? Anyway, as I was sitting in the car wondering how I was going to make it through this day if Carson ignored me, I had a little breakthrough. Worrying about Carson was stupid. If he was going to ignore me after the great time we had, I shouldn’t give him a second thought. It made my stomach hurt, but I pushed through it and got out of the car, grabbed my clarinet and bag, tossed my purse on my shoulder, and marched into the school with my head up.
When I turned the corner into the hallway where my locker is, I saw Jess first. She was unloading her backpack and talking to Carson. He was actually leaning against my locker. When he saw me, he gave me the biggest smile over Jess’s head, and it made me smile automatically. He hadn’t forgotten, and he wasn’t a douche. He was actually a nice guy, and we’d had a nice time.
Jess whirled around and saw him staring at me, then looked back at me with a big, mischievous grin on her face. She said my makeup looked hot, and I blushed a little and told her she wasn’t supposed to point it out in front of Carson. She laughed and said, Him? Oh, he’s just hanging around to ask you out this weekend because he’s got a mad crush on the hottest band geek in school.
She slammed her locker and left before I could yell at her.
Carson was laughing, and I told him that I needed to get into my locker. He said I’d have to pay the toll. I asked him how much that would cost me. He said, One kiss, and a date on Friday night.
Then he leaned down and gave me a sweet little kiss on the lips right there in the middle of the hallway.
I almost fell down. I couldn’t believe it. Is this my life now?
As I put my stuff in my locker and grabbed the books I needed for English, I asked him if he was serious about the date on Friday. He asked why he would joke about something like that. I just shrugged and told him that if it was just going to be us, Jess wouldn’t be there. There’d be no molly. Carson frowned and put his thumb under my chin and gently directed my face up to look him in the eyes. He said he wasn’t into my drug hookups. He was into me.
He says he just really wants to hang out with ME.
Why is that so hard for me to believe? I mean, why shouldn’t he want to just hang out with me?
Friday, May 16
I marched my legs off in band practice this week. I think Mr. Peterson is nervous we’re going to slack off during the summer, so he’s been like a freaking slave driver.
At least the marching has taken my mind off this whole date with Carson. We’ve seen each other every day at school, and eaten lunch together with Jess and Kelly and sometimes Reid and Ashley—although Ashley has only let that happen twice. I think she’s still pissed about the other night. Anyway, I’m still nervous about being out alone with Carson. Without everyone else around to help carry the conversation, I’m going to be this really lame, boring person.
I know that the whole point of tonight is for us to spend some time getting to know each other, but I sort of wish there were going to be other people on the date. I especially wish that Molly were coming. (Oh god. That’s so lame that I just used the name of the drug like it’s the name of a friend.) Is that the way I really feel? All I know is that I wish I could feel all the time what Molly makes me feel when I’m rolling. Maybe not the visual stuff like the eye twitching and the light tracers. I just wish I felt as confident and bold and sure of myself. I’m afraid I’ll be a tongue-tied idiot when Carson comes to pick me up.
Mom is way thrilled that I’m going out with him again. She tried to hug me and jump up and down in the kitchen and squeal like she did with Ashley. I was like, Um, absolutely not. She begged me to bring him in when he gets here,