more than I already have. If I’d—”
“You didn’t. You’re here. You can help Aria, and that’s what matters. Not the what-ifs and never-wases. Don’t punish yourself for fiction while ignoring fact.”
“Okay, the fact is I’m still being selfish right now by acting so melodramatic. Like I’m trying to make her drama my drama so it can be about me. My mom used to say I always needed to be the center of attention, but I swear that’s not it.”
“What a load of bullshit.”
“But she was right.”
“Fuck no, she wasn’t. You have empathy, Briar. Christ, that’s a good thing, and it makes me wonder what kind of psychopaths raised you that you think it’s a flaw.” He pressed his lips to the top of my head. “It’s no wonder you’re always tied in knots. You’re trying to force yourself to be the shitty person your mother was.”
“That’s not…” I shook my head. “You don’t get it. You like me so you think I’m a good person, but I’m not. I’m fucked up.”
His large hands cupped my cheeks and he leaned me back so I had no choice but to meet his piercing gaze. “I do like you. I like you a hell of a lot. Because you are a good person. Sweet and funny and snarky and raw and real.”
He believed that.
He saw me at my worst, and he still believed I was worth liking.
“And everyone is fucked up in their own way, flower. You. Me. Aria. Everyone.”
I burst out laughing, but it was tinged with acrid bitterness. “Not Aria. Trust me, wait until you meet her.” My stomach clenched and the bitterness grew to full-blown jealousy. “Never mind. You’re never meeting her. She’s too perfect and you’re—”
When I caught myself before the word could tumble out, Alexander prodded, “I’m what, Briar?”
“And you’re pretty okay.”
“That’s not what you were going to say.”
It wasn’t, but I wasn’t about to admit that.
Unfortunately, he knew without me voicing it. “Were you going to say that I’m yours, Briar?” Before I could lie and deny it, he gripped my chin and tilted my head up. “Because I am. Just like you’re mine.”
God, in all the good he’d said to me—and there’d been a lot since he had a knack for saying the exact right thing—that was the best. I wanted to record it so I could listen to it on repeat. I wanted to tattoo the words onto my flesh.
Sear them into my soul.
But he wasn’t done.
“And I’m going to do every damn thing I can to undo all the destruction your mother caused until you see what I see. Until you know how fucking perfect you are,” he whispered, dropping his hand to run his bent index finger along my scars. His touch was gentle. Reverent. He didn’t view them with pity or disgust.
He liked them.
I thought we were neck and neck on the crazy scale, but if he actually thinks I’m perfect, he wins. He’s officially crazier than me.
I’ll get him a trophy. And not some participation ribbon shit—he deserves a big one.
I tugged the fabric of my shorts down to hide my scars and moved my leg to the side as I changed the subject before saying something I’d regret.
Like you’re insane.
Or get the hell out of my life before you break me.
Or please don’t ever leave.
“How’re you even here?”
“I’ll always be here when you need me.” He opened his mouth like there was more he wanted to say before closing it again.
“I meant how’re you here so fast?” I knew I’d lost track of time, but not the hours it’d take him to drive back from Portland.
“Duncan is good.”
“So is David…” I raised my brows. “Are we just saying random men’s names?”
Alexander chuckled. “My helicopter pilot.”
Oh.
Right.
Of course.
How silly of me.
He twisted my braid around his fingers.
Fingers that’d given me pain and clarity. Beauty and understanding.
Fingers I knew would bring me pleasure before the night was done.
“You okay?” He studied me as if he could read my secrets in my expression.
I was better than before, which wasn’t saying much. That hadn’t exactly been a tall benchmark to hurdle over. The anxiety elephant had hauled his heavy ass off my chest to lurk in the corner. My heart wasn’t thumping, my palms were no longer slicked with sweat, and my stomach had unclenched.
But I was still a dumpster fire of a hot mess.
Because I was beginning to fear I didn’t like Alexander despite his stalking.
I was pretty sure I liked Alexander and his