A wave of guilt hit me like a fist before disappearing, leaving me breathless. “My venom came in when I was fifteen. Normally, the basilisk’s family will host a celebration for them, a feast in their honor.” His voice was softer now, colder, and a chill worked up my spine. My Gargoyle roared in my head. “The Council insisted on holding a party for me.” Nix let out a soft cry, squeezing his hand tightly, and I shook my head. Of course those bastards would have done something to him. Joshua had spent his entire life in the Lodge, so it was only natural that his secret would be painful and revolve around them.
“The largest part of the celebration at the feast is the young basilisk’s first kill.” I froze when he whispered the words. “Normally, the first kill is an animal. Something easy to catch and control. I guess I assumed my dad would be handling that part, or waiting to add it in later when we were alone. I should have seen it coming.” He took a deep breath, pressing his eyes firmly shut as he shook his head. “Stepanov decided that wasn’t enough of a ceremony. So, at the height of my party, a traitor was hauled into the hall and spread out on the table.”
A small cry slipped from my lips, and Joshua flinched. Nix’s dark eyes met my wide ones as memories poured through my brain. Blood on a marble floor. Torn flesh lain against a silver platter. I shuddered as they poured through my brain, and I attempted to push them away as my Gargoyle screamed his fury.
“My dad…” Joshua’s voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. “My dad said the man was a traitor. That he had snuck into his chambers and attempted to kill him while he was sleeping.” A tear fell from his eyes, splashing onto his lap. “He couldn’t have been more than eighteen, just a boy himself really. He was bound and gagged, just spread out on the table in front of me. Stepanov insisted I be the one to deliver the blow—that he attacked my family, my own father, and there was no greater honor than being permitted to execute such a criminal. I didn’t even know his name.” Joshua swallowed hard, nearly choking as he held back a sob. He buried his face in his hands as Nix stroked soothing hands across his head and back, though her pleading eyes never left mine. I didn’t have to read her mind to know what she was thinking, to know that she could see the memories racing through my head, and that she was begging me not to go after Joshua. “I just remember his eyes. They were so wide, so scared…” Tears streamed down his face as his emotion broke loose, and he shook his head frantically. “I’m so sorry for it. I’ve never forgotten. I hadn’t bitten anyone again until the day I bit you,” he gasped out.
Nix froze then, and even my Gargoyle halted his thrashing as those words penetrated the haze of pain that was consuming us. “What?” The word was nearly inaudible as it fell from my lips. The realization of just how badly we had hurt Joshua echoed through all of us.
“You never used your venom again?” Theo asked softly, clarifying the question. Joshua just shook his head, the motion frantic.
“Not even in practice or on animals. I didn’t ever want to use it again.” His tear-filled eyes were haunted with shadows as they met mine. “That’s why I couldn’t kill again at their behest. I’d rather have burned in that cage with honor than give the Council another piece of myself.”
He’d killed for the Council. He’d killed a so-called traitor, the same label they’d put on my father. For all Joshua knew, he could have been anyone. Someone’s son, someone’s brother, someone’s mate. My movements were jerky as I lifted myself from the floor and stepped over in front of him. He didn’t cringe away as I tugged Nix aside and deposited her gently into Killian’s lap. He didn’t fight me, either, as I pulled him to his feet with a hard yank, didn’t lift a single hand to defend himself.
“Da—” Nix was cut off, though I didn’t turn to see which of my brothers had stopped her. I let Joshua see the fury in my eyes as I reached for him and wrapped a hand around the back of his neck.