I touched them. With the four girls and Lana at my side, I felt like a regular old family man.
That’s why I know five days away from her will fuck me up.
“Think Desi will ditch school for the week?” I ask as the girls play with Uno in the grassy end of the yard.
Lana leans closer and kisses me. I know she’s about to tell me no. “It’s not just the week of school. I feel as if being here more than in Shasta means I need to get things in order there.”
I understand her meaning. Starting Friday, Desi, Carina, and Lana will essentially live in Elko. I’m asking them to give up their lives in Shasta. While the other town isn’t far away, living in the Woodlands can feel all-encompassing. She’ll always be around my people. My club brothers and family drop by often. Walking around the neighborhood isn’t a private affair. She’ll constantly have eyes on her.
“Also, this week is Kenny’s visitation,” Lana says, sounding awkward. “And he can’t do it on the weekends.”
“Why not?”
“He’s working off a debt he owes to a guy that owns a bar. Basically, for every ten dollars he earns, he has to give the guy half.”
I don’t let myself say something about her ex. Her past with him makes sense. She was young. He focused all his attention on her. She thought that meant they were soulmates. Lana sees him clearly now. Desi doesn’t, though, and I’ll have to resist the urge to make Kenny disappear.
Just like I can’t guilt or bully Lana into staying in Elko. My anger over her leaving makes me edgy, and I almost say something to Desi to see if she’ll give up her week in Shasta. Going around Lana to get to her kid is fucked-up, but I trend dark when I’m not getting my way.
Yet I don’t mess with Desi’s head. I just carry around my baby girl and count the hours until she and my woman leave for five fucking days.
“You’ll come back,” Sidonie states more than asks when Lana prepares to leave.
“We’ll be here so much this summer that you’ll be sick of us.”
“Never,” Sidonie says with too much intensity.
“I’m going to bring Zathura,” Desi announces again. “Do you think Uno will eat him?”
Sidonie loses her crazed stare and smiles at Desi. “Uno likes other dogs.”
“They’ll be friends like us.”
The girls hug each other for the thirtieth time today. Even edgy, I admire how warm Desi is with Sidonie. Kids are usually little dicks, but Lana raised a real sweetheart.
“Will you miss me?” I ask Desi. “I feel as if I’m getting neglected here.”
Smiling big, she hugs me. “Thank you for letting me swim in your pool.”
“You’re welcome,” I say, again tempted to ask if she wants to stick around.
We could run down to Shasta tomorrow and grab a bunch of their stuff. No reason to spend a week there when they’ll be happier here. But I keep my mouth shut.
“I’ll miss you,” Lana says before sliding into her SUV.
This is my last chance to make her stay. I run through my tricks—guilt, pity, bribery, threats—but none feel right. I’m looking to make a long life with this woman, and I’d rather she return to me out of desire rather than my ability to manipulate her.
Sidonie grabs my hand as the car backs out of the driveway. “They’ll come back.”
“They’re going to move here, baby.”
“For the summer.”
“Forever, if I have my way,” I say, forgetting to edit myself around Sidonie.
She watches them disappear up the road and then turns to me. “This was the best weekend ever.”
“We’ll have more of these best weekends once they’re back.”
I expect Sidonie to cry or melt down. She checks her phone and smiles. “Desi is my best friend.”
“I know,” I say, and gesture for her to follow me inside. “You got lucky. New sister, new best friend, and Lana.”
Sidonie nods, but she’s struggling. Summer must realize that too because she sticks around for dinner. Or maybe she sees how on edge I am about Lana leaving. The three of us sit outside for a long time tonight, just like we often do. This time is different, though. As if we feel something missing in a way we normally don’t.
These five days are going to fucking kill me.
PART 5: FIVE FUCKING DAYS
LANA
The car is quiet for most of the ride. Desi is unusually somber. I ask if she’s okay, but she only nods without looking at me. Mom’s