upset you.”
“It’s okay. My mood is good today. If not, I have people around that can help me.”
I back away, wearing a frown. “It’s not important enough for you to be in that position.”
“Do you want to know if Bronco hurt me? Is that what you’re wondering?”
Unable to hold her gaze, I look at the boys and nod.
“No. He talked to me on the first day, but I barely saw him. I remember him mentioning to someone how his daughter didn’t want him gone for long.”
“But he agreed for you to come there.”
When Ramona takes a deep breath, I know she’s already getting agitated. Then the boys start laughing, and Ramona relaxes her shoulders.
“Maude, sit down with me,” she says, and I sense she wants to speak more quietly than our distance allows.
Joining her on the steps, I struggle with the weight of wanting a man who caused her pain. Ramona is a sweet, rather fragile girl. She hides her problems better than Max, but they’re both easily hurt by a cruel world.
“You have to understand how it was that weekend. Like, you can think the Executioners were wrong to agree to Fuse’s deal. That’s fine, but I don’t want you thinking I showed up there, crying and begging to go home. Once I knew I couldn’t get out of going, I tried to get through it. I was stoned most of the time I was there. I probably seemed fine, and they didn’t know my situation with Fuse. They weren’t holding me down and hurting me. Mostly, it was partying at one of their bars. Otherwise, I just sat around at the VP’s house, watching TV and sleeping.”
“I know Fuse was an asshole, and I know Bronco was upset about Summer getting hurt. I still feel as if they were grown men who bullied you into something they should have known was fucked-up.”
“Look, my father was trash. I wanted him to be different. Like, I needed to believe he had a good heart under what I actually saw. But I didn’t know how good fathers acted. The only nice father I really knew was your stepdad, Eamon, and we weren’t close. The point is Fuse was shit, but I didn’t see him clearly. I let my father bully me because I wanted to believe shit about him that wasn’t real.”
Ramona looks at her boys, who sit very still and stare at each other. She smiles when Iggy leans forward and snuggles noses with Ozzy. Her sons are really into each other.
“The only reason I can see that time better is because of Shane,” Ramona says in a lower voice. “His dad too. Dylan is around Fuse’s age, and he’s in a club, but he’s so different with his family. Not just him, of course. River’s dad and all those Ellsberg men made me realize how Fuse wasn’t shit because of me. He was just shit.”
Glancing at me, she offers a smile. “I don’t know if Bronco’s a good man or not. I didn’t see him much. He was checked out like I said, but that makes sense. His daughter was hurt. The other men were fine, I guess. It was mostly like how Kelsi made being a sweet butt sound. Drinking, smoking pot, fucking, dancing. Oh, and eating. There was a ton of food offered. The VP’s wife, whose name I can’t remember, kept hinting that I looked too skinny and needed to eat more. She baked a cake for me.”
Despite Ramona’s smile, my mind is on what Shelby said about Pinball hurting this tiny woman. The asshole forced her to get a tattoo with his name. Did Bronco know? Would he have cared if he did? He handed over Pinball to Shane and River. Was he angry at Pinball, or does he toss people aside easily?
Ramona doesn’t have the answers to those questions. Asking about a dead man will only agitate her.
“All my adult life,” I whisper, feeling ashamed now, “I worked as a stripper. Men were always coming on to me. I knew all their lines, and I was never even a little interested. My husband and I were just going through the motions for years. Men offered me shit at work, and I could have made a better life if I ditched Kenny. I just never wanted anyone, and I couldn’t fake it. Then Bronco walked into the club, and I lost control.”
Ramona makes a faint gasping sound and then nods. “You want permission,” she says